Be Still My Heart

Remembering

2011-06-11T22:18:00.006-04:00

Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor

Katya and Nick

2011-06-10T00:51:00.001-04:00

I really love the friendship they are building. They spend a lot of time together & it is really the 1st significant female friendship in Nick's life. I love Katya. She's sweet and fun and just an all around great girl.

Nick & Katya play games all the time. I love how they dig out Chutes and Ladders on a regular basis. They like to challege each other too. Nick can run faster, it is yet to be determined (and hotly contested) who can run farther and Katya can swim circles around Nick. They are fun kids.

I look forward to watching them grow in friendship.

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Someday

2011-06-06T22:57:00.001-04:00

There are o many things I'd like to do. Tonight is a good night to do a little dreaming.

1. Take our homeschool on the road.

2. Visit my grandparents & have them meet my kids

3. Find a way to mend my relationship with my dad

4. Graduate all of or boys from our home school.

5. Travel back to Paris with Steve.

6. Spend a weekend at the Biltmore.

7. Take our kids to all 48 states.

8. See our house made the way we want it.

9. Take off on a summer adventure with Monica when or kids are grown. This is very high on my list. I want the adventure one more time.

10. Take a cruise.

11. Read the entire Bible.

12. Girls getaway with Misty & Leigh

13. Travel, travel, travel...

14. Grow old with Steve.

15. Hold my granchildren.

16. Be 100% debt free & stay that way

I'll add more if something comes to mind.

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Yesterday

2011-06-04T09:46:00.001-04:00

Yesterday we admired the view from our campsite - mostly having this great campground all to ourselves for an entire week. It really has been near perfection. We shared the beach with one other family yesterday - they had a little bot so it worked out well. The dogs played a little fetch & ran as hard as they could and napped in the sand. We had taco salad for lunch & sloppy joes for dinner. We went to the Whippi Dip for ice cream & walked the dogs around the campground. We sat around a fire talking. It was a perfect camping day.

Now I must tear myself away from this nice bed & make breakfast. On the menu: eggs & smokey links. We head home tomorrow - I always hate to see vacation end.

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Camping pt. 2

2011-06-03T09:39:00.001-04:00

This has been a wonderful vacation. We have spent every day on the beach, mostly having the place all to ourselves. The campground should start filling up for the weekend today so I will be very surprised if we are so lucky again. I am going to suggest heading down earlier in the day before all the new campers check in. Maybe we will get lucky.

We have met another family of homeschoolers here. They are very nice people with many children & our boys have enjoyed the new friends. It turns out they live near us & we have mutual friends. We also realized that they have been here the same week as us before.

We love this campground and I'm already looking forward to our next week here later this summer.

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Gone Camping

2011-06-01T19:38:00.001-04:00

We are enjoying having the beach on glorious Lake Michigan all to ourselves. It is beautiful camping weather. I love summer

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Family Pets

2011-05-28T22:34:00.001-04:00

Remy is 9 months now and he is so big and fluffy and clumsy. He is a while lot of puppy still. He made himself comfortable on my chair today.

Clover is almost 1 year old and Mattie loves his kitty. They are perfect for each other.

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He smiles

2011-05-26T22:32:00.001-04:00

Late in the evening while the whole house sleeps we sit and talk and laugh. I snap a treasure of a picture of my 14 year old son, before he notices, - he is too camera shy for a genuine smile on demand these days. These times, the times we laugh together, these are the memories I hope he stores away in his heart.

I love him so.

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This boy...

2011-05-18T23:06:00.001-04:00

He is such a great kid. He makes us so proud - every single day. He is cheerful and bright and creative and intense and so kind. I love being his mom.

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I'm a thief.

2011-05-11T11:14:00.001-04:00

Gabey just came in from the yard, hugged me and said, "Mom, call the police. You have stolen my heart!"

So funny. Someone watches too much TV.

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Bathroom Remodel Pt 3

2011-05-09T23:32:00.003-04:00

I wanted to post completed pictures of the bathroom today but those will have to wait until Wednesday or Thursday. Steve finished all of the trim today and it took pretty much all day. He is not going to do the crown molding but we'll save it and maybe work on it at another time.

The biggest hassle he had was working with our uneven walls. The plaster in some areas bows outward and in others is a bit concave. When I chose to use wainscoting on the walls I wanted to cover the imperfections but I didn't anticipate the plaster would be so challenging. We are pleased with the way everything came together but it required a ton of patience on Steve's part, and a lot more time than we expected. I have to go over all of the paint tomorrow and Wednesday. There are too many little holes to fill. I thought I'd save myself so much work by painting everything ahead of time, and I'm sure it really does make a difference, but I'm going to be touching everything up with a fresh coat of paint tomorrow. That is, right after I fill all of the tiny holes and sand them - all million of them - smooth. Ugh.

We also have a few little hooks and rails to hang and Steve will switch out the electrical tomorrow but that should be it.

Today I was taking a bath and I was just a little in awe that all of that prettiness is my bathroom - in my house. I'm so, so pleased.

Pictures coming soon. It's beautiful.

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T16:34:00.002-04:00

It's such a lovely, sunshiny day today. It's a good day for Mother's Day celebrations.

I usually spend every MD with my mom but this year we didn't get together. I stopped by with the boys to bring her a couple pots of plants yesterday. She had a beautiful hanging basket there for me as well.

My grandmother, her mom, is in the hospital and it's been a long week for both of us and it jt seemed like a good day to not make plans. I'm caulking the bathroom today and she's relaxing at home - I hope.

Steve made my favorite breakfast of destroyers for me today. So, so good. He even did the dishes and scrubbed the stove. He bought me my ticket to Relevant, when early-bird tickets went on sale and sold out in 1 minute! He also bought a game I've been wanting for the boys to give me. The boys all made cards. They are so cute and Nick's really made me laugh.

Gabey is learning to write his name so well. He even drew me a little heart puzzle (under the big red star). I love it.

Matthew made me this cute orange heart.

Christian loves me because I help him with scool, but apparently haven't taught him how to spell school. :) He loves me because I feed him and let him watch tv. Kids are really so simple.

Nicolas wrote me a letter, he even wrote in cursive - it looks like he tried so hard to write neatly. It is a treasure.

Happy Mothers Day!!!

Hi It's Nick your most loved son in the big world. Just need to say I love you so much. What would I do without you. You make the food, clean the house, help me with school work (apparently I did teach him to spell school), and do the dishies. Wait, no I do the dishies but if you want to just ask.

I need to say that from my heart I love you so much. I would never want a different mom. you are the best of the best. You are doing a GREAT job. Have a nice mothers day.

Love, Nick

I will forever call the dishes "dishies" from now on. And, I think I won't ask to do them anytime soon because I really don't like doing the dishies. :)

We missed church this morning which was kind of a bummer. Nick was really disappointed but I don't think the other boys realized it was a Sunday morning so they didn't complain. Steve had to work today so spending the morning together was really a nice way to start the day. It's nice being a part of such a great church community again. After the total train-wreck that was our home church experience, it's nice to be plugged into a community that is actively seeking to live out the great commission. I'm sorry we missed services today but it's been a nice Mother's Day.

I'm busy this afternoon trying to cut out and re-caulk the shower area and hopefully I'll get a little touch up painting done before the day is done. Tomorrow we have plans to finish the bathroom and take in a fun family activity. If we get both done I'll have completed bathroom pictures on Tuesday.

Happy Mother's Day to all of my Mommy friends. I know many of my friends find themselves lost in grieving today, for mothers in heaven, babies unborn, children gone to soon, mothers who just don't care to mother and other special circumstances. I'm so sorry for your hurting. I hope you know that your Father in Heaven is well acquainted with your grief, He experiences it with you and He is near, even when it doesn't feel like it. I am praying for special peace and comfort for each of you. I have counted each of you, by name, in my prayers today.

SUNday

2011-05-06T23:44:00.001-04:00

Me to Gabe: Do you know what Sunday is?

Gabe: (thinking...) I know it is the hottest day of the year because it has the SUN in it!

I love you, Gabey. So much.

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Bathroom Remodel Pt 2

2011-05-06T07:07:00.002-04:00

*** Drats! I meant to schedule this to post on Monday but I hit the wrong button. When I went back to save it as a draft it still showed in my reader and I can't un-publish it in my reader so I guess I'll just go ahead and publish it today as well. Oh well.

This has been a big undertaking and I've been reminded of why we never tried to do this before - living without a bathroom with 4 boys is less than comfortable.

My mom took the 3 littles for the first 2 days which was so helpful. While the boys were away the biggest priority was to get the new toilet installed.

Steve removed the sink and cabinet combo, the medicine cabinet and the light fixtures so I could paint. I painted before we took out the old floor. This house was originally painted in all oil paints so I made myself high and painted all the walls and ceiling and the big linen cabinet in Kilz oil based primer.

The fumes were intense.

We have had to paint everything in this house in oil based primer if we want our latex paints to stick. I'm pretty sure I need to do a liver cleanse after inhaling all of those chemicals. I went with the recommendation to paint the ceiling in a semi-gloss paint. I would have never thought to do that and I was concerned it would look weird and shiny but we had issues with mildew forming on the ceiling so I went with it. Our painted ceiling extends into our shower and I'm confident the Behr Premium Plus Semi-Gloss in Ultra Pure White was a good choice. It is a mildew resistant paint and that is what we needed in our bathroom. It looks great. I painted the top half of our walls with Behr Premium Plus Ultra in a Satin finish. The Behr Ultra is their paint and primer in one combination and I used that on top of the oil-based primer I already applied. I didn't probably need to but I wanted really good coverage and I wanted this paint to last well for a long time. I choose the Behr color Aqua Spray. It is so, so pretty. I love it.

Once that was done the guys tore out the floor. The toilet stayed put until the very end just because it is our only bathroom. :)

Isn't our new subfloor pretty? Well, it's pretty to me because it is clean and new and did I mention clean? Sigh.

Flooring was the biggest question for us. When we originally planned to redo the bathroom, 11 years ago, we planned to install tile flooring. The thing is, I don't actually like tile flooring. At all. It is easy to clean but it is cold and hard and slippery when wet and I just don't care for it. I have yet to meet a tile floor I like. We looked at all of our options and when we found Traffic Master Allure vinyl flooring I was sold.

I have issues with laminate floors because they just don't wear nicely, especially in lighter colors. I have seen so many scratched and the dark color under the film shows through. Our floors take a beating and I knew I wouldn't be happy with that. The Allure flooring seems significantly more durable than any of the other laminate floors I have found. In fact, I stood in the store scratching away at it with a key, as hard as I could, for several minutes and it didn't even leave a mark. I liked that the floor is floating and wouldn't have to be glued down and sealed. I liked that it looks so nice and installation looked so easy. And it was - I installed the floor myself, with the exception of the piece under the toilet because that had to be cut around the plumbing stack. I was able to do the entire floor in a couple of hours and I'm really happy with it. I do think the one negative is that the sticky strips (they stick to each other in an overlapping pattern, not to the floor below) should be the color of the floor and not the darker gray color. Nothing in this old house is perfectly level or straight and in a couple of places if you look you can see a faint crack between the tiles. If the sticky side under those cracks was the same color as the tile you wouldn't even be able to see it. I'm so, so pleased with the floor overall and our plan is to do this same floor, but in a darker wood finish throughout our kitchen, living room and main floor bedrooms.

We went with the American Standard Champion 4 toilet. Major bonus points for this toilet being able to flush a bucket of golf balls. You can watch the video of all the funny things it can flush in the link above. So long, plunger... hope to see you never!

Once the floor was in, Steve started on the baseboards. The 7" baseboard was a real hassle but he got it done and it looks great. Our walls are uneven and bowed in some areas so when they are finished with caulk they'll look even better.

After that we started hanging our wainscoting. I knew this was what I wanted to do because it would cover so much of the wall that had sustained damage over the years. This was trickier than I expected because, again, our walls aren't flat like drywall walls are. Overall, I'm really happy with the way the wainscoting turned out and I am certain it was the best choice for making these old walls new.

We still have lots of little finishing touches to put on the bathroom as a whole. By the end of the weekend we will hopefully be 100% done with everything and I'll just need to still buy a few accessory pieces. Here is a sneak peak at where we were as of Wednesday afternoon. So pretty.

We choose the Kohler Portrait Pedestal Sink. I love it - it's perfect for our space. The faucet we chose was the American Standard Highgrove.

I'll be back with a wrap up post in a day or two.

Bathroom Remodel Pt 1, take 2

2011-05-06T06:05:00.014-04:00

It's really a pain to blog from my cell phone and my part 1 post a few days ago was really incomplete. Here's to a sleepless night - I've been up for hours - and a couple of hours to do a little blogging.

I've had many friends asking me to post pictures of our bathroom remodel and I'm just going to be honest with ya here... I really didn't want to.

I've been socially impaired by my bathroom for years, meaning it has given me severe "can't have anyone over" syndrome. It was ugly and falling apart and such an eye-sore I could scarcely bring myself to let anyone see it. I've mention before that it is our only bathroom and everyone who comes over has to use it. I've even had a senator and his wife stop by and use our bathroom. The horror!

The idea of sharing my ugly bathroom photos on FB, or here, was kind of not really fun for me. But, that's a pride issue and I'm over it and if you judge me for my ugly bathroom that's on you. Or them, the judgers, they know who they are.

A brief rundown of our bathroom issues:

*old plaster walls were in bad shape from many years of wallpaper and holes and being patched. There was also peeling paint that was going to be difficult to patch well.

*The floor and baseboards had been rotting away near the bathtub. The layers of linoleum by the tub had gone soft and discolored and the sub flooring underneath was soft. When the kids would take a bath water would actually go right through to the basement.

*The toilet and sink were an almond color. I hate almond color ceramics and appliances.

*The vent fan was loud and inefficient and ugly.

*The faucet was cheap and could not be cleaned properly.

*The toilet was forever being clogged and I had a few too many overflows to contend with.

*The toilet had never been sealed to the floor, caulked around, and there was a lot of pee and water that had seeped under it over many, many years. In the heat of summer I always felt like it smelled like pee even when the bathroom was just cleaned.

*The whole thing was ugly.

So, in all it's ugliness (I didn't have a picture of the whole thing, you'll have to piece together the ugly):

Hiding behind the toilet tank was the original, hideous, wallpaper. There was a ton of wallpaper in this house and it wasn't the pretty stuff.

The vanity was pretty awful and just too bulky for the small size of our bathroom. The bathroom isn't really too small but this big cabinet made it feel small. And the door was forever falling off and being re-attached and falling off again. It drove me all sorts of crazy.

Over on the right you can see the bottom door to my linen closet - also forever falling off, or sagging is more like it. That made me a crazy lady.

Nick enjoyed removing the old floor. I have to say, it made me a little sick to rip out hardwood floors, buried under 2 layers of vinyl, but they had to go.

The nastiness under the toilet had seeped through all of the layers. I'm SO glad we got those out! I always knew there was a problem under that toilet.

I have lots of pictures of the bathroom being made new which I'll be posting soon. It's just so pretty and clean and it really makes me happy. For now I'll leave you with a few photos I used for color inspiration. I had already worked out the design aspect on my own.

Thank you, Google Images, for helping a girl out.

This bathroom is so lovely. The only thing I would have liked to do in our bathroom that we didn't do was to install a claw foot tub. It's just too expensive and too much work and it really isn't practical for our family. I do love those claw foot tubs though. Maybe when the kids are grown...

We actually considered buying the sink pictured here, it is from the Standard Collection by American Standard. We would have purchased the matching pedestal and not the chrome stand though.

This blue tile and this color made me positively swoon.

The color here is drab but I like how it looded overall with the white and the wainscoting.

And, I've got to say I sort of love this too but the color is just too strong for the bathroom we have, being main floor and all.

We went with a Behr color, I'll share the name later because I can't think of it. You can see it in some of the pictures above. It is basically Tiffany blue and I love it.

The Little Blue House

2011-05-05T20:56:00.001-04:00

Welcome to our nest!

A few friends have asked to see pictures of our little blue house and tonight I remembered to snap a shot from the sidewalk. I'll make an effort to share the rest of the house with you soon. Our house is a 1 and a 1/2 story, 3 bedroom, 1 bath house. We plan to add an additional full bathroom in the basement in a year or two.

We have always called it TLBH, and at one point we had a blog named "In the little blue house". I merged my blogs and lost the name. I might go back to it though because this blog isn't just my personal blog anymore and we did decide to stay in TLBH. It is something to think on, I think.

Well, the bathroom remodel is moving right along. I'm going to try to share pictures tomorrow of the bathroom almost finished. I'm really excited about it.

This summer is going to be an exciting one for the little blue house. She is getting a facelift with fresh paint. She hasn't seen a paintbrush in 12 years! Poor thing. We are looking at paint colors - blue, of course!

The meter box on the front is rotting away from the winter snow. It is a kindness to our meter people to have that box keeping snow off the meter in winter so it will be rebuilt. I'd like to get new house reel as well, box style maybe.

My gardens are looking sad, sad, sad. Mulch will hopefully be laid soon. I have some rearranging to do of plants as well and I'm going to get new planters for the porch soon, I hope. I have lots of pretty flowers in the summer but I don't have much left in the way of spring flowers. I'm going to try to plant a variety of bulbs in the fall.

I've got to get little boys to bed so that is all. I've been extra busy lately but I'm excited to share about all we have been up to.

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Bathroom Remodel Part 1

2011-04-30T18:03:00.001-04:00

The remaking of the little blue house is underway. The (only) bathroom was a natural choice for the first project. Our bathroom has a whole lot of problems - more on those later.

The design aspect was fun & easy. The sitting back & waiting wasn't so bad either. The deconstruction & construction was going to be great too because I wasn't doing any of the work.

I offered to paint it. That, aside from designing and shopping, was going to be my big contribution.

I forgot how much I hate to paint.

Hate. It.

I've been busy with Royal Wedding watching and such and today I could put it off no more.

Painting sucks. Especially painting with an oil based primer, which has to be done because these old walls have been painted with oil based paint.

I hate to think of what these fumes are doing to my liver, in addition to just making me feel sick.

By this time next week I'll be relaxing in my pretty new bathroom.

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Bathroom Remodel

2011-04-29T12:46:00.002-04:00

I am so excited about our decision to stay in our home. I've not have a moment's regret or even second guessed the decision once. I have such peace with it. This summer we will be painting our little blue house. We are currently trying to pick out the perfect shade of blue - could we even consider painting it a different color? I think not.

Our bathroom remodel officially started today when Steve went in to prep the walls for the wainscoting. He took the toilet paper holder and the soap dish out. Those left big holes and he cut drywall to fill them. Tomorrow I'll wash the walls and ceiling and they will be scraped and filled in. There is cracked plaster and peeling paint - all of that has to be fixed first. I was happy as a clam to hear hammering today. Next week we will have a beautiful new bathroom - I can't wait to see it all put together. I still have to find a new shower curtain, a stainless steel trash can and a little antique drawer unit (which I suspect might take some time) but I'm so excited to have the construction - and destruction - underway. I'll try to get some pictures online soon.

The college debate

2011-04-28T15:54:00.002-04:00

Gabey just came to tell me that he doesn't want to go to college because he always wants to stay with me. Mattie then asked if they have to go to college and I explained that no one has to go but that is the best way for them to be ready to take care of their families.

Gabey decided he would go for 1 week and Mattie said he would go for 1 month. About a minute later Gabey decided he would go for a weekend and Mattie decided he would skip it all together.

As disappointed as I am that neither of them have plans for higher education, I can't complain about their love & devotion. :)

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Easter Sunday

2011-04-25T09:27:00.002-04:00

Easter Sunday Choir from Kaira Butler on Vimeo.

Nicolas sang at church this Easter. When he was invited to be a part of the choir, I was sure he would say no. I was shocked when he agreed to give it a go. He has been sorry to have to miss a few practices because of soccer. I never heard him practice so I was especially excited for Sunday. Grandma, Grandpa, Christine and Kimberly came to see him too. I am so pourous of him for trying something new and out of his comfort zone.

Last night he said to me, "If they do another choir thing a I'll do it too." I made a remark about being glad he liked it and he disagreed and said "it was okay", but I know he liked it because he brought the subject up to me. He also mentioned wishing he could play the keyboard too. I'm going to look into lessons for him.

We had a wonderful Easter holiday - more photos to come soon!

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Bloom where you are planted

2011-04-14T15:08:00.003-04:00

Do you ever struggle with being content with what you have? I do. I have struggled with this for many years - always thinking the next thing on my list will bring a greater measure of happiness.

One of the biggest examples of this in my life is the way I wanted a camping trailer. I grew up tent camping and loving it. When we were married we started tent camping and after a year of tent camping with an infant Steve suggested we get a pop-up camper. I wasn't really on board with the idea of using a camper and I distinctly remember saying something about it taking away from the camping experience. We ended up buying the pop up because Steve was insistent, He was right - it was fantastic for our family. I loved it and for 5 years we really enjoyed camping in it. Eventually our little pop-up was wearing out and though we all slept quite comfortably inside, we didn't do much else comfortably inside. We begun looking at full size camping trailers and we knew they would be a better fit for our growing family.

The camping trailer became much too great of a focus of mine. I was becoming discontent with our aging pop-up camper. I just knew happiness would be found in 30-something feet of living space with bunkbeds for our boys and a full kitchen and bathroom. I got wrapped up in what I didn't have and wasn't really appreciating what I did have. When I finally realized this I gave it up. I stopped caring about that camper and soon after my husband announced he was buying me one.

The same discontentment thing was happening in my spirit in regards to our house. We had a few neighborhood issues that I couldn't look past. I let my old kitchen floor eat away at my happiness because it isn't pretty. I forgot how much I liked the character of that old linoleum when I moved into this house. The plaster walls with all their flaws started making me crabby. I forgot how much I appreciated these walls with their molded ceilings and arched doorways when I moved into this house. The floor in our bathroom is getting soft from many, many hours of little ones playing - I let that drive me crazy. I lost sight of the lives living that caused the problem and how in the grand scheme of things, it's a simple fix. We always planned to replace that floor anyway. I let the walls close in and the flaws were all I saw in our little blue house. I was certain if we moved things would be better.

The reality that our old house needs a little TLC was exciting to me when we were married and I had a vision of us making it ours - together. We got busy growing our family right away and the projects didn't get done. We couldn't very well live without a kitchen with toddlers toddling around the house. We couldn't re-do the bathroom when I potty trained for years on end. The idea of the mess and the disruption of major household projects was overwhelming during a time when we were busy with our little boys. I just wanted to move and start fresh.

I started working with a realtor friend and looking at houses. That process was brutal. Everything I disliked about our house became my singular focus and I was certain the only way to fix it was to move. I found 2 houses I really, really liked. Of course my own house wasn't in any shape to sell so I let myself simmer in discontent - stuck. It was ugly.

I believe God spoke to my heart at some point and told me that he would never move me out of this house until I was content with it - until I could appreciate what I do have. I believed that message and I told my friend to stop sending me listings and I stopped looking at houses and I started... very slowly... trying not to hate our house. It's been several years but earlier this fall my heart started to change. I started really liking many things about our neighborhood. We live in a desirable area - a true neighborhood with many young families and a vibrant community. In our neighborhood there are at least 6 churches I can walk to without having to cross a major street. We have a neighborhood ice cream shop that is awesome and a neighborhood grocery and hardware store too. We have several parks and playground and a splash pad all within walking distance. We have a community garden. We have neighborhood movies in the park and a slew of other neighborhood events like our 5K and such. We have a great library just a few blocks away from home and a track and tennis and basketball courts too. Historic homes around here are cute and have lots of character. Plus, we have friends I really like living by in our neighborhood. I could go on and on but it's really a great neighborhood. I let myself get down on things because we had a couple of pain-in-the-rear neighbor situations but those aren't even issues anymore. I started liking my neighborhood again and seeing all that is good about it.

Last Summer Steve sort of re-directed our plans to move some. He expressed to me he would rather build a house than buy a house. We talked about purchasing land in preparation for building and I started thinking it about how exciting it would be to buy the property and really thinking on where we would want to be and all of the details that go along with the decision to purchase property to build on. I was settling into a comfortable spot with buying property and finally moving when I was reminded to be content with what I have.

It was in the fall when I first recall thinking that maybe we shouldn't move.

At all.

As in... never.

I remember standing in my girlfriend's kitchen talking about moving - she's moving to build currently - and I remember telling her, "Maybe we should just stay where we are. I think if we put the money into our house that we are planning to spend buying land we would really like our house. It would be a really comfortable home for us." I recall thinking I should mention it to Steve. I did. He was not enthusiastic.

For months those thoughts pricked at me and I would bring it up and Steve would dismiss the conversation quickly. All the while I started liking my house more. I started seeing how little changes would really make this house feel more like home to me. I started feeling content.

A couple of months later a friend who grew up in this neighborhood, whose parents and many friends still live in this neighborhood, posted on facebook something about it being the ghetto. Really? I was so surprised to hear him say that out loud, though I wasn't surprised he thought it. It was outrageously rude to many of his friends, his parents, and his church family who call this "ghetto" neighborhood home. I didn't take his remark personally but I found it terribly offensive. Clearly he feels like he is above living here and that's too bad because this neighborhood is fantastic and has so much more to offer young families than the average subdivision has. This neighborhood is most definitely not the ghetto.

This winter I started realizing a lot of good things that I had overlooked in the years since we started talking about moving.
1. Our kids love our house - they actually think it's the best house in the world.
2. Our kids have never once asked us to move.
3. I like the structure and character of our house.
4. I like our little yard and my clothesline and the kids playground we made.
5. I know if we finish our basement it will open up a ton of extra living space which will make us even more comfortable. Our house really isn't too small for us but because we all live on the main floor it tends to get messy quickly. Having a living space more than 5 feet from the front door would help keep things orderly. Also, in our basement plans we have a plan for a 2nd full bathroom which would be a tremendous blessing to me. The boys would have a bathroom of their own and our main bathroom would stay pretty.
6. I really like our house payment. Our budget is really comfortable with our little house payment. We will have our house paid off shortly after Gabe graduates, if not sooner. The idea of taking on a new mortgage is such a drag. Steve is 43 - if we start building when he is 45 that's 30 years of house payments. Who wants to be paying on their mortgage when they are 75? Not us.
7. Steve and I both moved a lot when we were kids - I lived in 5 homes I can remember and went to 7 different schools. The idea of our kids being able to come home to their childhood home really appeals to us.

So, about a month ago Steve and I were out on a date and I brought the subject up again. We had a great conversation and we decided to stay here, permanently, and to make this home fit our needs.

And that decision brought so much peace.

We sat down and worked out a plan for what to do to the house. We've been busy getting all of our ducks in a row for our bathroom remodel that starts in 2 weeks. I can't wait!!! We've already started on our living room and have a firm plan but it could take a year for me to find the pieces that I'm looking for. We have purchased a new sofa and chair and new wood blinds. I'll be making window treatments when I find fabric that makes my heart go pitter-pat. I am looking for fabric I love so it might take some time.

A couple of times since I've been confronted with the idea of a new house and I found such peace in being able to walk away from those encounters without investing my time or emotional energy into the idea of moving. It's really peaceful knowing we are home - that this is home.

Now we embark on the journey of simple changes, which are amazingly what 90% of our list consists of. I'm so excited about our future - right here - with grandchildren sleeping in rooms our babies slept in. Life is lived richly in this little blue house.

Bloom where you are planted.

Bed Head

2011-04-13T13:31:00.001-04:00

I don't know how he does it but Christian wakes up with wild hair every day. Today his hair was stucking straight up several inches off the top of his head.

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A to Z

2011-04-08T08:31:00.001-04:00

I haven't done one of these in a while. I enjoyed reading your, KVP. :)

Age: 35 I haven't minded aging at all until I realized that at my age I'm very close to the end of my fertile years. In fact, if I were to get pregnant again in the next couple of years I'd automatically be considered for a high risk pregnancy strictly based on my age. We don't plan to have more children but knowing my fertile years are almost behind me is sadness.

Bed size: We have a queen but when we buy a new bed we will upgrade to a King. It's tight when the boys snuggle in with us.

Chore you hate: I hate washing the floors and doing the dishes. Actually, I find the washing process pretty pleasant but I don't like the rest of the kitchen cleaning duties.

Dogs: Emma our lab mix and Remy our goldendoodle pup. We love our ~~money-pits~~... ahem, pets.

Essential start to your day: Quiet. I'm not a morning person.

Favorite color: Pink

Gold or silver: Silver - always.

Height: 5'7"

Instruments that you can play: none

Job title: Wife, mom, homeschooler, homemaker

Kids: Nicolas 14, Christian 9, Matthew 8, Gabriel 5

Live: West Michigan

Mom’s name: Linda P.S. KVP, I had no idea her name is Anna - that's so interesting.

Nicknames: There are so many, I just asked Steve to pick one and he said "K"

Overnight hospital stays: 4 births and I spent a few days in the hospital when I was 13 with a serious kidney infection.

Pet peeve: Bad behavior

Quote from a movie: "It wasn't over then. It still isn't over." The Notebook *I swoon*

Righty or lefty: Righty!

Siblings: 3 Sisters: Stephanie, Christine and Kimber (Kimber and Nick)

Time you wake up: 8:30ish mostly

Underwear: Yes, I wear underwear.

Vegetables you dislike: Eggplant, beets, cauliflower

What makes you run late: Kiddos who can't find their shoes.

X-rays: My last x-rays were dental, prior to that I had an MRI 5 years ago before my gall bladder surgery.

Yummy food you make: Mexican, chili, lasagna... Steve says: enchiladas

Zoo Favorite Animal: The Lions

Boy Stuff

2011-04-06T21:40:00.004-04:00

Steve took the day off a few weeks ago because he wanted to take the boys to the Ultimate Sports Show. Overall we thought it was underwhelming but it was fun to have the day off and do a little exploring. There was an extensive collection of hundreds of award winning stuffed birds and other animals. That was a pretty cool and I think the boys really liked looking at those.

The little guys loved all the bulk fishing wormies. They had hundreds of different worms and lizards in all sorts of shapes and colors. They were thrilled to leave with new lizards.

There was jerky and smoked sausages everywhere. I sampled one vendor and really liked them and the next thing I knew Steve went and bought 3 varieties of jerky.

We bought a whole bunch of smoked bones for Emma and Remy and some to share with our doggie friends. To say they loved them would be an understatement. I've been wanting to find smoked bones from a good source because I've heard good things about the marrow in them. These ended up being quite a disappointment as there wasn't marrow in the bones but they were FULL of fat. Remy had wicked diarrhea. Ugh.

We all really enjoyed the Ultimate Air Dogs show. The Air Dogs show was so fun. There were dozens of dogs jumping off a dock into a giant pool. They were competing on distance. Our boys now want our dogs to become Ultimate Air Dogs too. It's going to be a fun summer once we can get the dogs out to the water. We joke that the only way we'll get Remy motivated is if we throw hot dogs into the water. He will do anything for food.

Remy is growing so fast - he is 7 months and 43 lbs now and we love him to pieces.

Arock Obama

2011-04-06T19:41:00.009-04:00

Gabe is so funny. He says random things that I just love. I try to write them down as often as I can but I've forgotten so many.

Just now he was sitting on the bed with me and he said, "I know you don't trust ARock Obama. I mean, he has a "rock" and a "bomb" in his name. He could be dangerous! He could kill somebody!"

That's right, baby, I don't trust him.

Today was grocery day and we stopped for pizza at Costco. I have had my lifetime fill of Costco pizza but the boys love it.

Weelicious

2011-04-03T19:16:00.003-04:00

I should have been busy posting my blogs for the week but I've been a little sidetracked at my new favorite blog.

http://weelicious.com/

This is my new go-to website for healthy, kid friendly meal ideas using simple ingredients. I spent at least 5 hours over there today writing down recipes. I'm working on re-vamping our eating habits around here and it is, quite honestly, just plain hard. I've been so inspired by so many of Catherine's healthy options - I think we will all like so many of her recipes.

I encourage you to check her website out if you are naturally minded. She has a ton of great baby food recipes too.

Time

2011-03-30T22:45:00.001-04:00

Time is my enemy in a lot of ways. It steals my babes from my arms before I am ready. It is a cruel thing how it can tick-tock away while baby teeth fall out and voices change. It is relentless & I just want it all to slow down!

Time continues tick-tocking away while my tears spill fresh and moments become memories - I try to savor what I can of my days. Sunday afternoons are for blog posting. Some Sundays are too short on time too.

We've been lucky to have Steve home on a recent Sunday & another Sunday we were just busy with life and I haven't had a chance to schedule blog posts.

I do have several that need writing - if only time would cooperate. Yes, time is my enemy, constantly taking our precious moments and I'm trying not to be too busy to make memories of them. I'll hopefully get some posts written this weekend.

Try today to slow down and burn a moment into a memory. Carry kleenex in case it hurts your heart.

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Tough question

2011-03-18T08:01:00.000-04:00

Gabey was by me while I was watching a pregnant woman getting an ultrasound on TV. He asked, "How did I get out of your belly?"

He is 6 years old and none of the boys have ever asked that question so directly. I thought quickly about how to answer it and he asked again.

So I responded in the least graphic/specific way I could think of quickly and that his 6 year old mind would understand.

Me: "You came out through my privates." I smiled and tried not to chuckle because Gabey is very expressive and I knew he would not be pleased with my answer and I was anticipating a strong response.

Gabey hears me and I can see him thinking about it and his face changes to a look of disgust.

"No, No! (shaking his head) That's not my kind of thing. I would never do that."

A heart for me

2011-03-17T08:23:00.001-04:00

Gabriel drew me this heart.

I love it.

Dottie goes to work

2011-03-16T07:18:00.001-04:00

Do you remember Dottie from this post?

I hope my boys always know how great their Daddy is. Gabriel had told Steve that Dottie wanted to see his work so Steve took Dottie with him and he spent his day showing Dottie around. Shortly after Steve left I started getting these pictures to share with Gabey. Gabriel giggled with each one as photos arrived throughout the day.

Dottie wanted to see my work. Here he is buckled up on the way there.

Dottie has to read up before he can go outside and see the operation.

Here Dottie is checking out the flight operation schedule.

Before Dottie can go outside he has to put on a high visibility vest.

Dottie using a radio.

Dottie checking out one of our tugs.

Dottie is doing a pre-operation inspection.

Dottie really likes the belt loaders.

Dottie checking out the conveyor.

Dottie takes a ride in First Class.

Dottie is waiting for a cup of coffee in the galley.

Dottie is looking out the flight deck window.

Dottie is sitting in the Captain's seat.

Dottie is at the flight controls.

Steve and I were going out for a date night after work and we took Dottie with us.

It is really a sweet thing that Steve spent his day connecting to the boys in this way while he was away. I'm so thankful he is this kind of Dad - we are blessed.

A better way

2011-03-15T08:12:00.002-04:00

Our day-to-day has changed so much these past few months and I've had to make changes that make my life work better.

I'm a homebody and I don't get out much. I like being home but some changes to our schedule have caused me to crack down on how I organize my time even more. I enjoy blogging and because I haven't worked on my scrapbooks in years it is even more important for me to record the day to day somewhere.

I've really been struggling with the sands of time. Tears come so easily lately when I think of how fleeting these days are. The thought is so present that I have wondered if my need to hold onto these guys just as they are is because something tragic is going to happen to them. I spend so much time trying to burn moments and images into my brain and I feel like time is slipping from me. Is this how it always is for mothers whose babies are growing up? I wonder about how much I missed distracted by all the drama in our life last year. I think about time I have spent investing in people I shouldn't have given our time and efforts to. I am just so aware of how much I've missed and memories I've forgotten. I'm grieving the days that slip by in a rush.

I just want everything to slow down.

Yesterday I was beside myself with the realization that I have never had professional photos taken of these guys and the only way to explain it is that I'm just trying to save today - to stretch time.

One of the first things I've felt needed to go was my time online. I've cut way back on twitter and facebook even though my new cell phone allows me to be more connected than ever. I read blogs still but I am trying to isolate that to morning or night. Another big change I've made is that I'm scheduling posts for the week on both of my blogs. I am committed to maintaining my blogs but I don't want to have to find time in my week to write posts. My solution has been to write them all on Sunday and schedule them to post throughout the week. This has been a great help and it allows me to post more consistently without eating up time throughout my week.

I have also started shopping off a list and scheduling errands more carefully. I've changed some items I buy so as to not to have to make an extra stop. If I find a need for something unexpected Steve picks it up on his way to or from work to save me a trip out.

I'm currently in the middle of a massive clothing purge. My goal is to cut my clothing options in half and I'm cutting way back on clothes for the kids. Less clothing will mean less laundry and more order and more time for other things.

Another biggie is I've decided to implement Media Free Mondays. Aside from listening to music while I run, I keep my phone off - I don't text, check email, twitter, facebook or my blogs. I am completely unavailable to everyone but my family and it is really nice.

Each little change I make is helping me to balance things a bit better.

These are all baby steps to a life slowed down.

Counting 50-60

2011-03-14T06:29:00.001-04:00

It's been a kind of crazy week. I'm schooling 4 kids now - for the first time ever. I'm using a new curriculum and we all like it but it takes up most of my day. As a result, it's really hard to get everything done that I want to get done in a day. Things are out of order and it is kind of stressful.

We've had some colds running around and wet weather equals wet Remy equals 3 hours of bathing & grooming to be done. Steve has been working a lot and it was wearing on me.

I'm a little on the hormonal side too so this just hasn't been the best week. It's not been bad, just maybe a little more stressful.

When I'm a little off counting gifts in my life is a good practice. Sometimes it really helps me adjust my attitude.

50. Our Y membership & the time spent with Nicolas
52. Surprise lunch out when I was crabby
53. Curriculum that works for us
54. Ladies night at church
55. Roses on my table
56. Two date nights in one week - the time set aside for us to just talk made up for all the hours and busyness. It refreshed me.
57. First dibs on the Just Between Friends Sale and finding just what I was looking for.
58. Butterflies
59. Sleeping in with Steve.
60. Thankfulness that Nicolas escaped stitches

A couple of pictures of Christian and Matthew from last week.

Giant Meatballs

2011-03-12T09:25:00.001-05:00

Freezer cooking just makes my life easier. I've been making extras lately of everything I can to freeze for later.

I had 3.5 pounds of ground chuck in the fridge the other day and I wanted to try to make some giant meatballs. I saw them on a cooking show and wanted to make them for my boys.

I'm not really a meatball fan but all my guys love them. I like to make meatball subs and such for them - I just generally eat something else.

The recipe:

*Recipe is a loose term for me because I'm a dumper of ingredients and I rarely measure anything

3.5 lbs of ground beef
1 large onion, chopped however you like to chop it
A bunch of basil
A bunch of garlic
Salt and pepper
Worcestershire Sauce (I had to pull the bottle to see how to spell that one - who thought that name up???)
A couple of eggs
Shredded Parmesan Cheese

Mix it all up well and roll into giant meatballs - mine had a 3"-4" diameter. Place in a baking dish and bake 375* for a while - until they are done. I can't recall how long it took buy I'd guess it was 20-25 minutes.

Get those meatballs - that have now shrunk considerably to just a little bigger than a golf ball - out of the greasy mess that is now in the pan and cool them on a cookie sheet. I freeze them that way and then bag them into gallon sized Ziplock baggies.

Thaw and heat and serve with Marinara Sauce.

Your men will swoon - as did mine... and the dog too. But, when they go crazy and eat as many as they can you don't have to holler "BAD, BAD DOG!" at them and make them sleep in a kennel. However, if your dog snatches a plate of them off the counter, as mine did, that is the response I recommend.

The Magic Onion

2011-03-11T12:05:00.000-05:00

Recently Gabriel woke up crying. His ear was hurting and I brought him into our bed. I got him tucked in and we both started dozing off. He couldn't get comfortable and at one point he started crying from the pain. It was evident his ear was really hurting him. I didn't have any fresh garlic on hand but Steve said he would get up and go to the store. It was 3am. He's the best daddy in the world.

I wanted garlic to make GOOT - garlic olive oil treatment. I can't say enough to praise the healing properties of garlic but I know it works and on every ear infection/earache I have ever used it on the pain has gone away - completely - withing 15 minutes. It is amazing stuff. Of course, you have to continue to use GOOT after the pain is gone or the infection will not be killed. We aim for a few times a day for a few days. We've never yet had an infection come back.

Here are a couple of articles on the healing powers of garlic and how to make GOOT - there are countless more just a quick Google search away.

http://www.wisebread.com/cure-it-with-garlic

http://jacquedixon.com/?p=28

Gabey was a little warm but he wasn't burning up. He was however in a lot of pain and since onions are a lot like garlic and have many of the same healing properties I cut a hunk of onion off in hopes of making Gabriel more comfortable while his Daddy went to the store.

Before Steve was even home his ear stopped hurting and my sweet boy was relaxing and ready to sleep again. The onion was such a relief to my little guy that he has asked for it every night since when he has gone to bed. He has come to associate it with comfort. I have to tell him no now, because I'm pretty sure sleeping with an onion isn't going to work out well for him in the long run.

I encourage you to try to use natural healing treatments whenever you can - especially before going to the doctor. There are no negative health effects from garlic - or onion - used to heal a body. However, there are a ton of negative side effects from using pain killers and antibiotics in the body.

WellTellMe.com is a wonderful website with great information about natural health and wellness. It is a site full of christian women who really know their stuff. It is my first stop for health related questions.

Happy Birthday, Mattie!

2011-03-10T08:43:00.005-05:00

Mattie's 8th Birthday was last week. We celebrated by going to lunch at Mongolian BBQ. We knew the kids would love it and the occasion was perfect for the splurge. We all had a great time and the little guys ate a ton. Literally. Well, almost a ton.

Christian was so excited to find shrimp available - all the shrimp he could eat too! He ate plates and plates of shrimp. He had a fun time trying new combinations of spices and sauces to go with all of his shrimp and veggies. The only thing he didn't like was the grilled pineapple.

The guy working the grill was fantastic. He and Christian talked at length - I did blog recently about Christian being quite verbose - about different seasoning ideas. At one point Christian had mixed up a particularly potent sauce and the griller asked him twice if he was sure he wanted to add it. Christian was confident and he cautioned him to have lots of water on hand. Sure enough, Christian liked it. The kid likes his food HOT.

He gets that from his father.

Mattie enjoyed the chicken noodle soup the most. He had 3 or 4 bowls of it. I really liked it too. Mattie ate all of his food - even his soup - with chopsticks. The littles loved eating with chopsticks.

Nicolas tried Krab - an artificial crab - and he didn't like it. Steve tried to explain to him that he would probably like read crab. He also told him that crab isn't usually grilled like he had it prepared. I was pretty impressed he was trying new things. I stick with basic chicken and beef.

After lunch we went to the movies and then to Mattie's favorite toy store. He wanted to buy more Papo dragons with his birthday money.

Then we picked up a cake at Arnie's Bakery and came home to enjoy it. Mattie had a great 8th birthday.

Chatterbox

2011-03-08T08:09:00.000-05:00

Christian was our quiet baby. He was hardly talking at 2 and a half. We worried a little and his Daddy started praying he would speak. Sometime before our wisp of a boy turned 3 he started to show signs of great frustration that we were not understanding him.

He would speak to us and when we couldn't figure him out he would grab our faces and look deeply into our eyes and holler things we didn't understand at us. He wanted to communicate and it angered him that he couldn't.

Steve started reading everything he could and he became convinced Christian's brain needed the fatty acids found in fish oil. He went out and bought a huge bottle and started giving him fish oil in all of his drinks.

Within a week Christian was speaking in complete sentences! It was amazing and such a relief for him. He had a lot to say and he has never stopped talking.

He wears us out with his constant chatter and we often remind ourselves that we prayed for him to speak.

He has always been extremely imaginative and he tells us great - long, detailed - stories about all kinds of things that he dreams up.

He analyzes EVERYTHING.

He is much too serious for a 9 year old kid. He has always been super serious - even as a baby.

A while ago I was sitting at the table and he was chattering away right next to me. I was sort of tuned out when I realized he had been jabbering away for some time and I mentioned to him that I wasn't following him and he said he wasn't talking to me.

Well, we were the only 2 at the table so I looked up at him. He was engrossed in his game. I had to chuckle and I started recording him a minute later.

Chatterbox from kaira b on Vimeo.

His Daddy did pray for him to speak.

Counting 26-49

2011-03-07T08:13:00.001-05:00

Counting blessings to 1000 and beyond.

Inspired by Ann Voskamp's book 1000 Gifts and her Gratitude Community.

26. The warm skin of a boy snuggling next to me.

27. The soft curves, fading glimpses of a little boy growing much to fast for my heart to bear.

28. Nicolas, who uses few words of affection these days, saying "Tell everyone I love them."

29. The way hearts grow close as distance spans.

30. A husband who loves me deeply, everyday.

31. New shoes on his feet

32. A devoted, faithful dog sleeping on my feet

33. Christmas with Tammy much 3 months into 2011 - so fun.

34. Moments captured on video, knowing I will treasure them in the future.

35. Clean linens on my bed

36. The beauty of one last big snowfall. So unexpected.

37. Vacations booked and paid for

38. Daddy's Day Off

39. Laughter

40. Music!

41. The warmth of friends

42. Listening to Christian singing loudly in church

43. The weight of a happy baby in my arms - being conscious to smell him and appreciate the sweetness of the moment and the way his smile makes me want to laugh happiness

44. Birthday cake and another year with my mama

45. Games played with family

46. Spelling words learned

47. Hours spent catching up - how is it we haven't talked since October, Kalee?!

48. The anticipation of Relevant in 7 months. I'm SO thrilled to go again.

49. Prayers with my boys before bed

What a day!

2011-03-04T22:37:00.008-05:00

Soooo, I'm a really ambitious list maker.

I should know by now that anytime I make a list I'm going to fail to complete it. It is 10:38 and I haven't completed one thing from my list I made this morning.

There is no shame in that though because we had a great day. Homeschool went well but takes up quite a bit of time. After that I had to bathe Remy - he needs a lot of bathing. It takes a couple of hours to bathe him because I have to dry him and comb his coat out well. I didn't even have time to trim him up but I just did that a couple of weeks ago so no biggie.

Then I took 2 of my boys with me to the chiropractor. That took quite a while and then we went out and bought a pretty cake for my Mama to celebrate her birthday. The cake was chocolate with buttercream frosting and it was delicious.

Can you tell we mostly celebrate kid birthdays. All the candles were so juvenile looking on her pretty cake. I should have thought to take a picture of the cake before it had candles on it.

We had a lovely dinner with her and my beautiful sisters. This is Kimber and Nicolas. My Aunt Terri made this necklace Kimberly is wearing for my mom. I love that Kimber wears it - it is just her style and looked great on her.

Kimberly is home from college and we were so happy to spend a little time with her. We played a fun game and stayed out way late but it was a super day.

Remy always goes to Grandma's house when we go. Emma stayed home because the 3 dogs can be a bit much and Remy and Lucy (my mom's dog) love to play together. When the weather is better I'll bring Emma too so they can all go crazy in the big back yard. Remy was worn out after playing. Isn't it sweet that Remy has his own bed and dog dishes at Grandma's house? It's because my mom loves him as much as I do and is plotting a way to keep him!

Now we are home, the boys are tucked into bed and I am going to clean the bathroom quickly so I can get a little snooze in too.

Oh, and today I got presents from my mama too! She's so good to me - even giving me presents on her birthday.

I'll do a post sometime about my house but basically I have a plan to have only things I really love in my house. I'm slowly collecting things here and there. One of the things I want is a collection of quilts. I love quilts and she bought me the prettiest handmade quilt. I could have cried for the happiness of it. I absolutely love it! Even more, I love that she knows just what kind of things I'm looking for and is helping me to find them - one item at a time. It is a queen sized quilt - in beautiful condition. I love everything about it.

What a lovely day this has been.

Goodnight!

Tortilla Chips and Cleaning

2011-03-04T09:13:00.002-05:00

Guess what?

Just after I posted about wanting chips and salsa yesterday, my friend showed up with a bag of them from On the Border (a local Mexican chain restaurant).

I saw them and heard the angels singing.

Thankfully I hadn't eaten dinner yet so I was in really good shape for the day and I ate those chips guilt free!

And I loved them.

Every last little broken chippy.

That was just the boost I needed.

Today I will clean the bathroom and the kitchen and I'll even put away the 500 million loads of clean clothes that need to be put into drawers. I've really been avoiding that job so those clothes are piling up and getting picked through and generally just looking really messy.

I hate, hate, hate living out of laundry baskets. It's been a bad habit I've adopted since the holidays and I'm not sure why. We've never really done that around here.

Time to get back on track.

I'm feeling a weekend purge coming on too.

Just look at all the good a bag of chips is doing for our home.

If that friend happens to read here... ahem... and if she really wants to help a girl out... she should drop more chips of STAT! I kid. But, seriously, they made my night. I needed the salty crunchiness of them. :)

Let me be honest...

2011-03-03T18:00:00.001-05:00

I need to clean this house. Badly.

But, my legs are sore.

And my hips are sore.

And my arms are sore.

And my left shoulder hurts.

And I am just kind of tired.

And though I an not hungry at all, I really want to snack.

But I can't because it isn't worth figuring out and recording all the extra calories.

And it isn't worth the guilt of knowing I blew it all on chips I salsa.

So, I just haven't been cleaning.

And I feel bad about it but not hardly bad enough to do anything about it.

I mostly just want to nap until I can eat again.

Pathetic. I know.

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Remember those faces?

2011-03-01T20:20:00.001-05:00

The brothers strike again.

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Little whiners

2011-03-01T12:40:00.001-05:00

The Butler Boys are being renamed. You can now plan to call them The Whiner Boys. They are just falling apart today.

8 hours to bedtime and the countown begins...

In other news, I managed to snag an early bird ticket to The Relevant Conference last night. They were sold out in ONE minute! Insanity! I'm super exited to be rooming with Debi and Kalee again. I'm so looking forward to this getaway!

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Sleepless

2011-02-27T04:08:00.001-05:00

Some nights, no matter how much I want to, I simply can not get and stay asleep.

Tonight is one of those nights.

The noises and the activity of the pets and the blankets not quite right and a husbands on my side of the bed and so many things are disrupting my rest.

This makes me cranky.

Tomorrow I hope I can get a nap.

Signing off @ 4:05 am without much hope I'll be able to sleep.

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Dottie

2011-02-25T07:31:00.001-05:00

This is Dotty. Gabey got Dottie for a Christmas or a birthday a long time ago. Gabey loves animals - all animals. He calls himself an animal rescuer.

I caught him taking really good care of his Dottie the other day.

Untitled from kaira b on Vimeo.

Tour of the Forts

2011-02-24T08:01:00.001-05:00

I hurt my back today so I spent most of the day in bed on the heating pad. It worked out to be a pretty nice day overall. I was able to teach the boys from my bed and they busied themselves the rest of the day making forts. When I went down to make dinner they got to the camcorder on my phone. I just found the video tonight. The tour starts with Christian, Mattie quickly takes over and then Christian regains control.

Untitled from kaira b on Vimeo.

It's Business Time

2011-02-23T22:29:00.002-05:00

Hilarious - not exactly kid appropriate but so funny.

Snaphots of our week

2011-02-23T00:14:00.002-05:00

Remy is the cutest, sweetest pup. He will be 6 months on the 29th and I think he is going to get a squeaky duck for his birthday - he'll be so excited.

Last week I went to ladies craft night with my friend Rachel. I crocheted. She looks cute in the headband I made.

For Valentunes Day I made cupcakes. All the boys were eating them. Gabey generously offered his to Nick when he was done with it. That boy cracks me up!

Chridstian & I had a special day ot together. We always stop into Krispy Kreme on special days if donuts are hot. I love going ot with my kudos one at a time.

Remy got a bath and a trim last week. I adore him.

Lunch with Gabey is always funny. He enjoys his food - fully. He makes so many noises while he eats - it is equal parts horrifying and hilarious. I managed to sneak a little video of him eating lunch with me on Sunday. He requested chili and ate an unbelievable 4 bowls!

A letter to my husband

2011-02-20T15:48:00.004-05:00

Hi Honey,

You really wowed me today.

I don't ever want this moment in time to be forgotten so I'm putting it here. I don't ever want to forget how I feel right now but I know I will. I know life will get busy, the boys will fight, something will break, Remy will eat the house, the bathroom will be a mess, laundry will pile up, beds will need making... life will keep happening and I will once again lose sight of the beauty of this life we are living together.

I'm really sorry about that already.

I wish my heart would hold it all this close always.

Thanks so much for buying me my ticket to Relevant 11. I know you buy me everything I need but I really appreciate the surprise this morning. You need new shoes yet you always give to me. It would thrill me if we could go get your new shoes tomorrow. You are the most selfless man I know and I mean that. I don't know anyone who gives so generously - and it isn't just the "stuff" you give, it is the way you give of yourself. You love me - us - well.

As I sit here writing this to you I'm listening to the mix ~~tape~~ cd you made for me. I wish you could have seen Mattie bring it to me when you were gone. He knew I wanted it quiet down here so he came in quietly and whisper-asked if you left for work yet. When I confirmed he gave me the cd and said "This is from Dad." I had no idea what it was until I put it in the computer.

The songs you picked are great and I love them. What's more, I love listening to them knowing you picked them out for me. I'm all weepy, maybe a little snotty too, as I write this to you because for all the countless ways you show me you love me every single day, this has really put it into many words that speak right to my heart.

Have you noticed that my love language is many words?

I love that you also added songs that make me laugh. Life isn't always tied up in a pretty bow and love sometimes gets messy and your song choices are great.

Thank you for loving me like this - like the words in these songs. I don't know why you do - or what you see in the mess that I am, but thank you. You are a gift - just the way you are. You bless my life immeasurably.

Always and forever,
K.

p.s. Allison CRACKS ME UP!

Some of my favorites from this mix:

Norah Jones: Come Away With Me

Lyle Lovett: South Texas Girl
http://youtu.be/pNmnzwGT4Ic

Train: If it's love

Train: Hey, Soul Sister... and yes, I am so gangsta ;)

The Cure: Just Like Heaven

Diana Krall: Just The Way You Are

Ahhh, and what would a mix tape between lovers be without a little...
Marvin Gaye: Lets Get It On

And, because you gotta keep it real, this really made me laugh...
Lyle Lovett: She's No Lady

Buck Teeth

2011-02-19T09:00:00.000-05:00

These crazy faces are popping up everywhere. Christian has pretty big front teeth. He also bites his bottom lip a lot. Steve and Christian tease each other all the time. They think it is hilarious and Christian dishes it as much as Steve does. At some point Steve called him on his buck teeth. Steve has the same "pea head" Christian does, which I think makes their teeth seem bigger, and they might even have very similar teeth... ahem.

The brothers picked up on the buck teeth things fast as a lick. Christian and Nick have a very competitive relationship because Christian is sort of the perfect child and Nick is sort of... more spirited, creative, like his mother.

I was going to describe Christian as precocious and then Nicolas as the opposite but I couldn't come up with the word. I googled "opposite of precocious" thinking the perfect word was alluding me.

Opposite Word of precocious:

stupid

Nicolas is NOT stupid. He is just nothing like Christian and everything between them is a competition.

Nicolas started drawing pictures of Christian on the wipe off board and on the winter windows. He would write Christian's name by them. The pictures became quite funny with Christian trying to erase Nick's when he would find them and draw pictures of Nicolas with even longer "buck teeth".

We allow the teasing because without it I'm not so sure how Christian and his Daddy would communicate. I kid.

But, we have a saying around here and it keeps the banter in check.

If it's not fun for everyone - it's not fun.

A glimpse

2011-02-18T20:01:00.000-05:00

A glimpse into our day. The boys really like their new, personalized lap desks.

The boys are really enjoying our new curriculum. We are using Abeka, Explode the Code and Builiding Spelling Skills workbooks. I will probably never use Abeka spelling because I already have Spelling Power but recently I found the Building Spelling Skills workbooks - brand new - in a local resale shop for $.50! I bought both the 4th and 5th grade. We really like them.

Have a great day!

A simple jar

2011-02-17T11:36:00.002-05:00

I have a beautiful crystal vase that Steve gave me roses in on or first Valentines Day. It is so pretty and I have stuffed it full many times over the years. That vase is very special to me.

Steve came home with roses again this year - a simple bunch of long, red roses. My large crystal vase was much too large for these. I have a smaller crystal vase but thought my canning jar would be perfect. I just love flowers in canning jar. These pretty roses on my table, in my much loved canning jar, just make me so happy.

I'm ready for summer & flowers. I think I'm going to try to keep fresh flowers in a jar all season.

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Slipping away

2011-02-16T12:46:00.001-05:00

Time is stealing this little boy from me. I feel my heart breaking.

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The Hallmark Store

2011-02-15T22:54:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was just the best day. Steve was off - I can't recall the last time he was off on Valentines Day. We spent the day making it special with the kiddos and then he and I went out and had a wonderful date night, just the two of us.

Yesterday afternoon we took the kids to the mall to look at snowboards and have an ice cream. The boys are really interested in snowboarding.

Be still my heart... all I think of is broken bones. Steve reminds me often not to pass my fears onto my children.

Well, we never go to the mall with the kids - it just isn't something we do. I rarely go by myself - maybe once a year at the most. So, as we walked in we passed the Hallmark store. Christian exclaims, "Boy, they have a store named after a TV channel!"

I just love him.

Freezer Cooking

2011-02-10T16:42:00.006-05:00

I am a lazy cook. I like to cook. I like to bake. I like to make things from scratch.

I don't like to clean the kitchen.

I really think the number one reason I don't spend more time cooking is because I hate cleaning it up so much.

I try to stay away from processed foods and mostly only buy basic ingredients when I'm shopping. My shopping list is almost always the same.

Typical shopping list:
milk, eggs, cheese, butter, sausage or bacon, beef, chicken, veggies, coffee, peanut buter, jelly, bread, tortillas, flour, Ragu, produce...

The problem with this is that I detest cooking the things I buy for because I hate the mess. Dinner is the worst - it's just me and the kids and everything is a mess by the end of the day and the last thing I want to do is make more of a mess. It is the time of day I'm most inclined towards convenience foods. I hate convenience foods. They make me feel guilty because I know that they are full of junk I don't want to feed my family.

This is where freezer cooking is right up my alley. If I'm in the mood to cook I'm prepared to handle the mess that comes with it. It isn't any more messy for me to cook 10 lbs of meat than it is for me to cook 2. I'd rather cook 10 and save myself the mess later.

Today I woke up and Steve was tired so I let him sleep in. He typically makes breakfast but since I was up I started. And without even planning it in advance I decided I'd cook breakfast for several days. I precook breakfast foods for when we go camping because we love a big breakfast but I hate the mess of cooking the eggs and bacon and all of it when we are camping. So, today I cooked 60 sausages, 8 large potatoes and 6 dozen eggs. I fed the boys and packaged the rest away into 4 Ziploc freezer bags. I'll be so thankful for these meals on mornings when Steve is busy or when we are heading the the Y and cooking takes up time. I'll pull out a bag the night before and let it thaw in the fridge. In the morning I'll the contents in a large skillet with a little water or salsa and we'll fill warm tortillas with the contents.

Freezer cooking breakfasts... easy as pie. I'm hoping to do another 4 or 5 days this next week.

I was so excited to be filling my freezer I started thawing ground beef for freezer cooking other meals. Right now I have 24 miniature meatloaves in the oven. I am not a fan of meatloaf but my guys love it. I mixed up 4 lbs of beef, 4 eggs, and a box of crushed bread crumbs (Stove Top Stuffing Mix, ground into a coarse flour) and ketchup. I filled 2 muffin tins with my mix and it is baking at 375* for 20 minutes. I'll cool and freeze the individual muffins and I'll thaw and reheat them in a baking pan when we need something good in a pinch.

I have a ton more meat thawing and I'll be adding a few more meals to my freezer yet tonight.

I haven't done much freezer cooking in a while but I think I'm going to start up again. It is the best way, in my opinion, to have good home-cooked meals and still enjoy the convenience of pre-packaged foods. I have a book called The Freezer Cooking Manual that I reference but so many recipes are online as well.

I'm just happy as pie about stocking my freezer and it makes me feel good knowing I have meals waiting for me. Do you freezer cook? I'd love meal ideas if you have any.

Update: I'm going to add a links here that might be helpful to anyone interested in trying freezer cooking. I will add them as I come across good ones.

Where I first learned about freezer cooking: http://www.30daygourmet.com

http://www.frugalmom.net/blog/2010/05/7-steps-to-once-a-month-cooking/

http://www.myrecipes.com/quick-and-easy/easy-freezer-meals-10000001602670/

http://www.menus4moms.com/bulk/index.php

Here are some good ideas for small families. This woman cooks for 3 and was able to freeze 15 meals out of 10 lbs of beef. http://deidrasheart.blogspot.com/2008/10/freezer-cooking-ground-beef.html

Counting again...

2011-02-07T12:29:00.001-05:00

13. Smiles with missing front teeth, our last set. This toothless smile is fading fast. Another crack splits in my Mama heart.

14. Vintage find that make me smile.

15. Many words of love & affection whispered to me, gifts from my husband who loves so well.

16. Boys happily playing board games, the television off.

17. A day out with my Mom.

18. Joyful news waiting for me today that a good friend is expecting again. A wonderful secret to keep!

19. Innocence in my children. Could they stay this way longer?

20. Warm beds on cold nights. Thankful for the weight of that blessing weighing on my heart, knowing so many people in or homeless community were suffering.
21. Daddy's day off. Lucky us, we've had many of these lately. They are the best days.

22. A pile of good books waiting to be read.

23. Emma & Remy, playing sweetly. It thrills me to see them having fun.

24. A great week of school.

25. Friends visiting, we love having a house full.

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Dad's Day Off

2011-02-05T09:56:00.000-05:00

We try to always do something fun on Daddy's day off. We have a membership to the Fredrick Meijer Gardens so we try to visit each exhibit they host. These pictures were taken just after Christmas when we went to visit the Christmas Around The World displays. The boys have seen the trees plenty of times - they look pretty much the same every year. They really enjoyed the Grand Rapids miniatures and we spent a lot of time looking at all of the replicas of local attractions.

The nativity set is part of the Christmas Around The World display.

Sledding

2011-02-04T08:49:00.000-05:00

Recently we took the boys out sledding. Our friend Joe told us about a great hill way out his way so we took a drive to check it out. This is the best place to go sledding. The bowl is massive and there is a smaller hill and this big hill. Even better, we were the only people there that day. It was a great time.

I think I've forgotten how much work it is to hike up those massive hills - good grief! I wiped out hard both times I slid down the big hill. It hurts more to wipe out than I remember. Oh well, we had fun and we're looking forward to heading back on the weekend with our friends.

Christian really enjoyed learning how to snowboard. Gabey loved it - he just kept going up and down.

Untitled from kaira b on Vimeo.

Fixing what's broken

2011-02-03T13:27:00.006-05:00

The first step is admitting you have a problem, right? If that's the first step, in this case I'm pretty sure the second step is admitting I am the problem. My thoughts, my vision, my opinions, my way... that's the problem. My pride. I think that's a big part of it all too. My homeschool was suffering because I was resistant to change.

I'm not sure how or when or what happened but I just knew I wasn't ever going to have the school day I wanted and as a result the education of my children was suffering. Because, I wanted it all to go my way. And my way didn't work.

My way would have worked beautifully if I were the student and someone else were the teacher. I would have thrived if I were taught using Sonlight. I would have thrived if someone taught me using My Father's World. I wanted to teach my kids how I wanted to be taught. I wanted our days to be filled with living books, reading our way through history all snuggled warm under down comforters. I wanted nothing to do with anything that resembled traditional school because... is anything in this world more broken than our schools? Maybe only our churches... oh, but that is another post for another day...

I wanted my children to know geography and history and people groups all over the world. I wanted to feed their souls with real stories of people on fire for God and the hurting and lost and poor and broken of our world. I didn't want a text book filled with pictures of pretty little white kids in America. I didn't want a text book at all. I wanted literature rich learning. I wanted books that we would read together and I wanted them to come alive to us. I wanted for them what I wish I could have had.

The problem is that for all the wonderful books that fill our bookshelves, all the culture and mission focus and all the richness of history that is bound by glue and neatly lined in rows... life is getting in the way of all that reading and exploring I want to do with the boys. And, you know what, when I sit and start those read-alouds, they get bored after a while. They love stories but to read half a novel in an afternoon isn't their thing.

Something had to change and it was me. My children and their success had to become more important than my pride and preferences. My eclectic approach to schooling wasn't working so well. All the Susan Wise Bauer writing and grammar I love so much was torture to them. They didn't like it and I didn't like teaching it. I sure would have liked it if someone used that curriculum on me when I was in school... but their education isn't about me and I had to realize and accept that.

A while back I told Steve I wanted to start using Abeka with the boys. He reminded me of a conversation he overheard between another homeschool mom and myself. We were on fire for My Father's World and my friend said, "Abeka bad..." or something like that. You see, Abeka embodied everything I didn't want anything to do with. I'll avoid all the comparisons I made between Abeka and the homeschoolers I knew liked it so much. To me, it was culturally deficient. It was traditional school (textbooks, workbooks, quizzes and tests) in a box for homeschoolers. It was boring, boring and more boring. It lacked living books and all the literary wonder I wanted to bring into my home school. It was so very "christian schooled white kids". It was just everything I didn't want.

But, you know what? My kids love workbooks and I do want a christian curriculum. I know that Abeka is solid. That "box" I wanted to stay so far away from, the one that looked anything like a traditional school education... well, my kids like all of that stuff. It's interesting to them. The list of things I had to concede is long. My love for my kids, but my desire to see them learn and succeed is a lot bigger than everything else.

My shelves are still filled with amazing books and I'll continue to buy more. We will read them, just not the same way I always pictured it. This week we started using Abeka and we have had 3 great school days. All of my boys are responding well to a new way of doing things and I'm still learning with them. I have a lot of peace with this decision to surrender my way for a better way. I can even acknowledge that this way is a better way for my boys and that's what matters most.

Exploding Ninja Stars

2011-01-23T13:59:00.001-05:00

Gabey's foot fell asleep and he came over to describe how it felt. He says, "It feels like it is full of exploding ninja stars." I guess I can see where he gets that idea. I love how he sees this life.

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Great Deals

2011-01-21T19:23:00.004-05:00

I'm pretty happy about some of the deals I scored today.

My friend Kalee blogged about the OPI base and top coat she scored on clearance at her Trade Secret. Those polishes run $8.50-12.50 and I've been meaning to pick up a base coat for some time. She got both of them for $4.25! I called our Trade Secret and they had some in stock. I had them hold 2 for me and ran in today to pick them up.

They also had 2 OPI So Write Together sets with the colors Bubble Bath and OPI Red. My little sister loves these colors and her Red is old and getting gummy. I snagged one for $3.25!!! Christine will love getting a one of each set as a love gift next time I see her.

On the way home I decided to detour into New To You, a local resale shop. I rarely shop at NTY because it's generally way overpriced but it's a much nicer, cleaner place than most of our local second hand shops. I didn't find any vintage items I liked but I did pick up a 7 homeschooling books for $.50 each and 8 books for myself for $.50 each. I was pretty happy to find several books I've wanted to read - perfect timing since I just made a reading goal.

I picked up:
Running With Scissors (the cover looked interesting)
Fliers and Butter (the cover looked interesting)
A Walk in the Woods (actually a book I already have and love but this copy is for my girlfriend)
Snow Falling on Cedars (on my wish list)
The Memory Keepers Daughter (on my wish list)
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek (should have been on my list)
Round Robin (looks charming)
Sunk Without a Sound (true story - looks fascinating)

Good deals thrill me. I can't wait to start reading these and other books I have in queue.

I'm starting The Ultimate Blessing by Jo Anne Lyon tonight. I'm going to a women's conference next weekend with a friend of mine based on this book.

Inspired to Read

2011-01-20T17:44:00.003-05:00

I love to read, always have been happy with a comfy quilt and my nose in a good book. To have few things in our home but shelves full of good books would be all sorts of lovely.

These days I spend more time reading online than reading real books. I'd like that to change.

My friend and Relevant roomie, Kalee, has set some interesting goals this year and I have been so inspired by then I'm going to copy 3 of them.

She set a goal of books to read this year. I love that idea so I'm going to join her. Kalee set a lofty goal of 200 books, something I just can't tackle with the demands in my life right now, but I'm going to aim for 75.

I will try to do short updates here as I move through my list. I always love a good book recommendation if you have one.

So far in 2011 I have read 2 Jodi Piccoult books. I enjoy her novels and the modern day issues she tackles.

I received Handle With Care for Christmas. It was a good book about a wrongful birth lawsuit. I like the way Piccoult writes about hot-button issues in a way that the reader can find compassion and understanding for both sides. Her books always make me think and that is a great because I have such strong conservative opinions. I didn't like the way the book ended - too abrupt and imo a shoddy, incomplete ending kind of ruins a good story.

I also just read her book The Pact. It took a couple of chapters for me to get into that one but it was a really good story. It kept me guessing right until the end. The Pact is about a teen suicide. I can't even do justice to the storyline by trying to describe it but it is a great book. I think Steve is going to swing by the library and pick up another couple of books for me soon.

So far 2 out of 75.
2011 is going to be a great year!

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Winter morning

2011-01-20T09:46:00.001-05:00

This is a picture I don't want to forget. Happy kids playing sweetly, safe and warm, while snowflakes fall outside. This life is rich.

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For Cousin Katrina

2011-01-19T17:02:00.002-05:00

Gabe still rocks

2011-01-18T12:03:00.003-05:00

Do you remember how Gabe brought the house down in May? The boys has some serious moves and he was more than willing to show them on camera.

Gabe rocks from kaira b on Vimeo.

Gabe still has his moves but he's becoming a little more shy. Pardon my sideways video...

Gabe shows off some of his moves from kaira b on Vimeo.

He's such a fun boy. Almost daily I see indications that he is growing up, becoming a boy, less carefree... big sigh.

A surprise from my love...

2011-01-18T11:07:00.005-05:00

Last week Steve told me we were going on a date on Sunday. He told me I could dress up if I wanted but wouldn't tell me anything else. Steve usually works on Sunday so it was pretty cool that he took the day off to take me out.

There was a good joke going on FB about him taking me to church. I would have been really disappointed if our date was at church!

Saturday he told me we could leave early and go out for breakfast if I'd like. A morning date, on Sunday... interesting. We ended up skipping breakfast because we hosted a slumber party on Saturday night. That wrapped up about 10:30 and we left at 11.

We went to Mongolian Barbecue for a nice, relaxing lunch. Then we headed downtown to the RV Show. We probably spent 4-5 hours there. Steve wanted to make sure the camping trailer we picked out in September was still the one I wanted. I love that we are still on the same page and neither of us saw anything else we liked more.

We had a great time at the RV Show. We picked up brochures for many new camp grounds and we are excited to visit several of them. We drank a ridiculous amount of overpriced lemonade and we sat through a fabulous demonstration for waterless cookware. We have nice stainless cookware but we were both really impressed with the waterless cookware by Health Craft. The really kicker was that I had an entire set of that stuff at one time, from my aunt's estate, but I didn't know how to cook in it. We also had a nice, expensive set of non-stick Calphalon cookware we received from my parents when we were married. That was before we knew how bad cooking with teflon is for you and we didn't have room for 2 sets of cookware. I sold my aunt's in a yard sale for $15ish. I really am sick about that now. It's a shame it will cost about 180 times what I sold it for to replace it.

After a great time at the RV Show Steve surprised me by taking me to the Melting Pot. We had a cheese fondue appetizer and followed that up with a to-die-for chocolate and crunch peanut butter dessert. It was amazing. The Melting Pot is crazy expensive but the atmosphere is perfect for a date and long, quiet conversation and all that melted goodness just really makes a girl feel all sorts of lovey dovey.

That dessert was such a great way to wrap up our day but our day wasn't done. After the Melting Pot he took me to a movie - a good girly movie I wanted to see. It's a shame I can't recall the name of said movie but Reese Witherspoon was in it. I love Reese!

What a sweet day it was. We haven't had a date like that since we have been married. It was wonderful and we had a great time together and it was made even sweeter knowing he arranged the whole day without a word from me. We came home to a quiet house, kids sleeping and we went to bed happy and refreshed.

Cranky kids

2011-01-14T09:42:00.004-05:00

Christian and Nicolas have both been pretty under the weather this week, feeling lousy and both suffering sore throats. As a result their voices sound funny as they, as I call it, talk around their throats. Our house has been so quiet as they hardly talk at all - it's been kind of nice.

Well, yesterday Nicolas was doing the dishes after breakfast and Christian was cleaning up water off the kitchen floor - Remy is a clod and makes a mess with his water frequently.

Nicolas was being cranky and bossing Christian around and Christian looked at Nick and said, "I can't take you serious when you sound like that." Nick responded by shoving him and Christian started crying. Christian is a pretty tough kid but he has been especially weepy this week - the first indication I knew he was getting sick.

It was just kind of funny because when I called them both in the living room and asked what happened Nick didn't hesitate to tell us "I pushed him" and Christian told us right away what he said to Nicolas. They both felt lousy enough to not even bother with hiding it. The consequence: Nicolas had to do all the work in the kitchen and Christian was off the hook.

Christian meant no harm in saying what he did to Nick. He just thought he sounded funny and didn't realize why. I don't think he realizes he sounds just as funny when he talks around his throat.

It's another quiet day here. Nicolas has been putting on his boots and coat for 20 minutes to go outside and shovel. I didn't tell him to but it's his job and he wants to do it - sort of. He doesn't want anyone else to do it and it is snowing and he wants to get out in it but he clearly feels like dirt and can barely motivate himself to go out the door. I think he won't be working today but I'll let him make the final decision.

For those of you who don't know, Nicolas has a shoveling business in the winter. He works it diligently and has earned as much as $450 in a weekend. When it snows he wants to work and personal comfort doesn't get in the way of him doing his job. He probably learned that from his Dad. Today it is snowing and he is sick but I won't tell him he can't work. His Dad works outside in freezing temps and blizzards when he is sick because he has a great work ethic and a responsibility to us. I would rather let nurse Nick back to health after a day's work than have him put his comfort over work ethic.

He just walked out the door and he is shoveling... I'm sort of proud of him.
.

10 Things I Love

2011-01-12T22:09:00.002-05:00

*** When I post using my Android, auto-correct spelling/word selection really can make a mess of things. I'll try to remember to check it more carefully next time because this post is a mess! Oops.

Sometimes, often, I am really lousy about showing Steve how much I do love him. When stress creeps into life I tend to take it out on him. I'm not proud of this and I do want to change.

This is for you, my love...

I love the way you love me. I act like I think the flirtatious things you say are silly but I really would miss it if you ever stopped.

I love the patient, loving, consistent way you parent our boys. You are a great dad!

I love that you made a commitment never to drink Diet Coke again just because Gabey asked you to.

I love that our dreams are the so similar. I'm excited for all the future holds.

I love the memory of the conversation we had when we were dating, talking about baby names and your first pick for a girl name was Abigail, the name I already knew was the name I loved most. I knew we were meant to be together.

I love how pride never stops you from a sincere, humble apology when I'm hurting.

I love how we have gone to bed together nearly every night of our married life.

I love how completely dedicated you are to our family. You are loving and giving and faithful and strong. You bless me.

I love that you call Remy up on our bed. It makes my heart happy to know you love him like I do. He was my favorite Christmas present... even better than my new robe.

I love that you are mine and I am yours. I wouldn't want to live this life without you.

XOX

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Funny kids

2011-01-11T23:53:00.002-05:00

Nick was looking at my new cell phone today and he was trying to check his facebook wall through my facebook account. I showed him how to go to my friends section and find his name. All the names are in alphabetical order in sections for each letter of the alphabet.

Nick starts looking for his and says, "Nice! I'm not even in section A!" He was so offended. He was pretty irritated to see he wasn't in B or C either... until I told him all my friends are in alphabetical order.

I think he was a little embarrassed. I got a good laugh out of that one.

The robe

2011-01-08T11:18:00.001-05:00

LL asked about my robe and right now it is just easier to answer it with a picture.

This robe is perfect because we live in Michigan and it is freezing here. It is like being wrapped up in the coziest blanket. It is warmer than my down coat because of the length and hood.

I wear it all the time. We are potty training a puppy right now and I spend 20 minutes out in the yard several times a day. I am always toasty warm.

When I am not wearing it, one of my kids almost always is. Nicolas, 14, is finicky about what he is seen in but he is perfectly happy to run outside in my robe.

I love my new robe and if I could afford it, I would buy another one. And I wish I could buy Nick one too.

The link to the robe on Lands End is at the end of the next blog post.

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Quiet winter days

2011-01-06T16:38:00.002-05:00

Quiet winter days are perfect for hanging out at home wrapped in warm blankets. Nicolas really likes the afghan he got for Christmas. I am especially fond of the robe I got for Christmas - it is a little piece of Heaven and I wear it constantly. The kids keep tring to snuggle into it too. If I could afford it I would buy an extra one just for back-up. The idea I may not be able to replace this robe sort of frightens me.

Many thanks to my mother-in-law for this wonderful gift. Check out the best robe ever here, mine is in rich red.
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Christmas Day 2010

2011-01-05T11:06:00.010-05:00

All is a wonder on Christmas morning when sleepy boys head to bed on the Eve, not a single present sitting under the tree. It is magical to wake up to all of this. I'm certain they, being very much children, are not thinking about how blessed they are. I go to bed on the Eve full to the brim with awe at how very blessed we are... gifts of love piled high... such wonder when I work hard at modest Christmas gift giving.

Stockings stuffed, always the first thing we touch. The sight of them hanging like that always makes my heart happy.

Remy, full of energy on Christmas morning.

Gabey's stocking had gummy worms and a candy ring, as he had asked Gerald for. Also, a crocodile stuffed animal, a new water bobble and a new campfire cooker. Everyone got a water bobble and a campfire roaster this year.

Gabey asked for a cape too, he wore it everywhere for a few days.

The only item Gabey really, really wanted was an Iron Man mask. He sure was happy that Santa gave it to him. Mattie is our little sleeper and he had to be woken up at 7:40am. He hung in there for a while but was sleepy. When Daddy opened his new blanket Mattie wanted to use it.

Grandma Judy got Nicolas an Under Armour gym bag - it was definitely one of his favorite gifts. We got him a new racquetball racket, balls and a toiletry bag as well. He is ready for the Y.

Santa brough Mattie a play-doh kit. All the boys love playing with it.

The little guys all asked for pillow pets. I'm thankful Santa was able to bring them each one.

So excited for the new Vera Bradley bag under the tree. I LOVE it!

Grandma Judy got Mattie and Gabey new Papo figurines. They absolutely love these toys.

It was a complete shock to open this gift. Steve is too good to me. I had a perfectly good Blackberry that I was happy to have. Steve had me take a look at the Android phones when I was at the Sprint store and I fell hard and fast for the camera on the HTC Evo. My blackberry camera takes lousy pictures if the lighting isn't perfect and I use my cell phone camera all the time. So, so thankful for the upgrade! The phone is awesome but the camera is downright swoon worthy.

Sleepy Mattie, getting ready to open another present.

Slippers for Steve. He loves to get a new pair of slippers for Chrsitmas each year.

Nana made all of the boys afghans. They really like them.

Gabey showing off the Papo knight and horse Grandma Judy sent him.

After presents at home we all got dressed and headed to Grandma and Grandpa's house.

Clay is so fun... thanks Auntie Kimber and Christine!

Christian really likes the Tipover game Grandma and Grandpa gave him.

Auntie Kimber with Lucy and Remy

Gabey is really happy about his clay too!

We had a great day at Grandma and Grandpa's house. It was nice to come home, try out taking pictures with my new Evo camera and head to bed. Christmas was wonderful!

Our pretty tree with my Grandmother's angel on the top. I miss her so much and using her angel always makes me happy.

Test post

2011-01-05T10:15:00.001-05:00

I am just testing posting from my cell.

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I remember when...

2011-01-04T22:30:00.009-05:00

I started blogging 5 years ago, not exactly sure what day but it was before Gabey's 1st birthday. My friend Misty sent me word of the first blog I ever read, Teb's Page. Do you remember her, Misty? Teb died of cancer almost 5 years ago. She blogged all about her journey fighting cancer, the ugly of it all and she left a beautiful legacy for her little boy to read someday. He won't remember his mama but he will know her. He will know she was wild about him and his Daddy and their crazy dog and Star Wars. He will know she was brave. He will know things no one would think to remember to tell him because she wrote her heart out and he will read it someday. Teb wasn't like me - she wasn't a Christian as far as I could tell, she was an attorney and not a SAHM, she and I might not have been friends if we met on the street because I'm not sure we had anything in common but she broke my heart with her words and her heart forever touched mine. I'll never forget Teb.

Yesterday my friend Ashleigh wrote about something I had been thinking about too. She wrote about how the face of blogging has changed so much. Blogging when she and I started about 5 years ago was just storytelling. I don't recall any of the blogs I read back them being money making blogs. I never came across bloggy controversy back then. It was years before I learned of blog scams and hate blogs and all the cliques and stuff that comes with blogging today. The blogging community is amazing and I've met some of the most delightful women through this community, many of whom have become dear friends. At the same time, all the business of blogging has polluted it in a way. People don't blog the same way. It's not as simple.

I read my first ever blog post today. You can read it here if you want. It's a pretty boring post, the kind only the grandparents would care about and I don't remember Mattie saying those things. It makes me cry just remembering it all, knowing there are 10 heartfulls of memories I've forgotten of these boys over the years. That evening when he didn't want to go to bed wasn't funny to me back then but it's painfully sweet to me tonight. I sit here writing in a dark, quiet house. Four boys I love more than life itself are sleeping. My husband is working late so I can be here all day, every day. This life is sweet and I hope I spend more time remembering to write the little things down this year.

Back then, I thought little of just throwing up a few pictures or a photo-less note about something the kids did. It is my hope that someday all 4 of my boys will know more things about us and the way I love them wild because I wrote my heart out here.

Remy loved the snow this morning!

Gabey and the boys made cookies with Auntie Kimber while she was home from school this Christmas.

Nicolas is half a man already. He is so handsome. Be still my heart...

Christian thinks too hard about how to smile for the camera these days. I remember being his age and doing the same thing.

My sweet Mattie, such a fun, loving boy. My boy who needs me to pray over him before his body can rest at night. He is one of a kind.

A funny thing... Nicolas is sleeping and he is talking about turkeys. He asked if he could do a report on turkeys tomorrow because Margie said he can't go to her house until he gets one done. He just said, "Turkeys... chickens... wild turkeys!" It's so funny, he talks in his sleep at night just like I always have.

LL, this is SO bad!

2010-12-31T15:16:00.002-05:00

Okay, so this isn't going to make sense to anyone so please disregard...

LL, I've read your blog forever and I see you just went private. I totally get why because of the content of some of your recent posts and for similar reasons I've been tempted as well but... I can't read or comment anymore!

Please email me an invite so I can have blog access again.

THANKS!

kairabutler (at) gmail (dot) com

And, if anyone else has access to http://as-for-me-and-my-house.blogspot.com/ - please leave a comment for LL directing her to this plea. THANK YOU!

Hello 2011!

2010-12-31T14:27:00.003-05:00

So happy to make your acquaintance.

I'm really looking forward to all that you have in store for us this year. My girlfriend and I have decided we would be perfect this year - so looking forward to that! I'm sure my husband and children are excited to have the perfect wife and mother too.

I sure hope God can fix me by the morning so I don't fumble this big resolution before lunch. Left to my own devices, I'd probably screw it up before even getting out of bed. Wish me luck!

I'm not a big resolution maker but besides being perfect, I'd like to just do my job better. I love being Steve's wife and mama to these 4 boys. It's a big job to make a cozy home, homeschool well and be a patient mama but those are always goals of mine.

I would like to make my relationship with God more of a priority by listening more to his direction and finding peace in His will over my will. I'm a control-freak and it's really hard for me not to be in charge.

This year I want to spend more time with Nicolas specifically. We enjoy working out together and I'd want to make sure we don't let life get in the way of that.

This Spring, Summer, Fall I want to spend a lot more time camping. Every few weeks just doesn't seem like enough. Clearly I want to live in the woods and just come home to do laundry.

This year I want travel to see Kalee, Monica, Misty and my Grandparents. I want to take that big Texas road trip I talked about some time ago and there are many people and things we'd like to see along the way.

This year I want to manage my budget better.

This year I want to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier.

This year I want to help Emma and Remy become the best dogs they can be.

So, that's about it for big goals for 2011. They aren't all that different from the goals I have the rest of the year and if I don't end up a glorious success at being perfect this year, I'll manage to keep on trying when I fail.

Praying all our friends and family have a truly blessed year!

Remy

2010-12-29T22:31:00.005-05:00

***Update: The other day I started to write a recap on our December until I remembered that Remy hadn't had a post yet. I switched gears and decided to write about Remy but forgot to change the title of this post. I'm sure that was confusing. :)

Quite a lot has happened in our home this past month and I just haven't had a chance to blog about all of it. I have mentioned before that I really struggle with balancing my time online and I've been working hard not to get too sucked in. Connecting with everyone this way is really just a stumbling block in my life.

A few posts back I talked about our plans to adopt Birdy or one of the other puppies at a local rescue. We knew there were several steps to take before being approved for adoption, but we didn't anticipate how frustrating it would be. Our adoption specialist was very difficult to reach by us and our references. She said she would call and days would pass without calls. She had a positive vet reference, access to copies of all of our detailed vet records, she also had 2 positive personal references but that wasn't enough. It was just a frustrating process and we started talking about what we would do if the puppies we were interested in were not available when we were approved. I started thinking about what type of puppies would be a good fit for us. My cousin has a goldendoodle and he's just the sweetest thing. Last year I saw my first goldendoodle, a friend has one, and she raved about him. I really wanted a goldendoodle but figured that wouldn't happen because they are quite pricey.

I had in my mind that we wanted an F1, apricot with wavy/curly hair. Two blog posts ago I mentioned how God had worked something amazing out for me that I really didn't think would happen. That something is my adorable F1, apricot colored, wavy hair goldendoodle, Remy. He is an absolute delight and I am smitten. Steve went out and bought Remy, much to my surprise, when I was visiting with a friend.

The day Steve picked up Remy I set up the appointment to go meet with Birdy - our approval had finally come through but it was just too late. I made the appointment, not knowing about Remy yet, and Steve called the next day and canceled our adoption.

He is the BEST Christmas gift... except for the Christmas day 10 years ago when we found out we were pregnant with Christian.

Meet Remy, who turned 4 months today.

Advent means coming.

2010-12-12T11:49:00.005-05:00

Christmas is my favorite time of year. I just love all the lights and music and decorations. I love the anticipation, the waiting, for the day. The day when God became flesh, what a glory! It is such a magnificent thing to think about... God, Almighty, Alpha and Omega, King of Kings... becoming a vulnerable baby, to live among us, like us. That He was still God but became us - for us. Isn't that just a big thought? Isn't it the very picture of love and grace? He did it because we have no ability to earn our way into his kingdom. Because we are so broken that only he could save us. This baby, born in a dirty barn, born to a couple of teenagers, living just to die so we can live.

This is a special time of year. I love it so much and each year the holiness of it is more important to me than the year before. I hope we are teaching our boys to love the babe in the manger more than the gifts under the tree. I hope that my boys reflect on the magnificence of the season.

If you are looking for an amazing Advent study, I can't recommend Ann's more. It is so beautiful and it really connects us with great anticipation to the holy message of Christ's birth. You can download a free copy of her study in her right sidebar here.

Only God can...

2010-12-11T22:24:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I was feeling pretty frustrated when a blog friend told me that she understood, she had been in the same situation, and that I needed to trust God. She reminded me it would be okay. I believed her in my head but in my heart I wasn't believing. I was anxious because my plans weren't coming together as nicely as I had expected.

Today I had a little talk with myself about things. I basically told myself that only God could work out what I really wanted. I had put this hope of mine in a box, all the details had to be just so and I accepted defeat before I even asked him to help work it out. Only God could make it happen and I was pretty sure he had bigger things to care about.

How weak is my faith?

You know what? God shows his face to us even when we aren't believing. He really does love us like a parent. When my kids are blue I want to cheer them. When they are ornery, I still want to make them happy. When they want something, there is a part of me that wishes I could provide it for them - most of the time.

And God is like that too. I got an email tonight that I didn't expect to get. I had no intention of ever getting that email. That little box was laid out for me - exactly as I had packaged it in my head. That email laid out exactly the little box I created that only God could make happen.

And He did. Just to show me how awesome He is and how much He loves me.

And I am giddy with anticipation.

Everyone needs a friend

2010-12-04T15:58:00.009-05:00

Emma, right now, as I type this:

Emma joined our family in August. She is a wonderful, sweet ~~girl~~ dog and she has really become a part of our family. She came from a pretty unhappy home and we've tried to be tender with her, helping her feel safe and comfortable. She has needed very little correction. We are still working to socialize her with other animals but she's doing so great. When we got Emma our plan was to get 2 dogs. She needed time though and we finally feel like she is ready. We have gone back and forth about what would be the best match for her and we have agreed that a puppy is probably the best way to go. She is very gentle with our cat, always has been, and she is has the most anxiety when a larger dog is in her face (or smelling her butt) too much. I think she is intimidated by that because she was not treated well by the very big dog she used to live with.

We have been watching the dogs at a local rescue, Mackenzie's Animal Sanctuary. They are a no-kill rescue and we wanted to get our next dog through them.

Steve showed me a few dogs recently and we decided to get Emma a friend for Christmas. We got Emma for Christian's birthday but because of her background Nicolas really took over taking care of her. Nicolas runs her every morning and I have done most of her training. Christian would like a dog to call his own. He has studied the Dog Whisperer videos with us and he has taken care of our cat Jack for over a year. He is ready. We think a puppy is a great fit for him.

Buzz

Auba

We are hopeful to be bringing home Birdy soon. We were interested in Buzz and Birdy specifically and the other puppies too. During the Open House we all fell for Auba. Christian goes by the nickname Buzz Lightyear so we were attracted to Buzz initially. Buzz is really excitable and probably would come on too strong and I'm not sure Emma would like that. Emma is sweet and mellow and rarely barks - she loves to run and play but she is a mostly quiet girl. Buzz barked like crazy. We like it when our dogs don't bark all the time. Auba was very sweet and friendly but we think a puppy will be best for Emma and Christian so hopefully that's what we will get. Birdy has been my #1 since I first saw them. Steve was tossed up between Birdy and Buzz, but mostly because he loved the idea of Christian having a dog named Buzz, I think.

I don't know why I didn't take more puppy pictures - probably because my Blackberry has the worst camera EVER! I can't wait to get the HTC Evo... hear that, Santa?

Soon, we hope to have news of a new puppy. I'm certain Birdy and Emma will be fast friends.

Plans interrupted

2010-12-02T12:55:00.004-05:00

I posted about my Grandparents in October and how I was planning a trip to Texas to visit with them. My grandmother was very ill and had almost died. I haven't seen her in many years and she wanted to see my children. I determined I'd craft my way there and back, traveling far with 4 boys all by myself. What an adventure!

Shortly after blogging about this trip I left for Relevant. When I came home I felt like God wanted me to remove that post from my blog and stop planning to go to Texas. We had a little conversation about how she was probably going to die and surely he didn't want us to not see her. We talked about how if I didn't start working towards that goal ($1500+ in travel expenses) I would likely not be able to make the trip. I told him I thought it didn't make much sense to just forget about the whole thing. Still, he quietly told me to remove that post and stop planning on the trip. I told him it was going to be his fault if my Grandma died and didn't see her great-grandchildren. He was unfazed. God is funny like that. So, with a little confusion I removed that post and halted all my efforts towards saving for that trip. I did have peace with it after a day or so, because, you know... it would be all God's fault if he was wrong.

Isn't my emotional maturity almost too much to handle? *dripping with sarcasm*

Within a week or so my grandmother was home and making a good recovery. I have spent quite a bit of time talking with her - she's doing wonderfully well. She sounds better than she has in a long time and she is well. In fact, her home nurses recently told her she didn't need their services any longer. Praise God!

A couple of weeks ago we were talking about my plans to visit and I told her I was planning to stay at her house, as I had discussed already with my grandpa. She sounded sad, saying how much she would love that, but that my grandpa is getting really cranky with kids and noise. She said that when my little cousins visit he hollers at them often and she is always feeling bad about that because they aren't being naughty. They have plenty of room for having guests but she felt like the boys would really have a hard time because their grandpa would probably holler at them all the time. That would be really stressful for all of us I am sure.

When she told me all of that I felt like maybe God intervened because there wouldn't be a good place for us to stay at the moment. My Dad lives there with his wife but there is a lot of tension in that relationship and I would not stay in their home without those relationships being healed.

I have had several friends ask me about this trip and how my grandparents are doing. I really appreciate your care and interest. I intended to write this a couple of weeks ago. For now, the trip is off the table. Maybe in the spring/summer I'll make the trip with our camping trailer as Steve and I had discussed earlier. I have a great deal of peace about it now and I am so thankful for the way God has healed my Grandmother.

Gratitude always wins

2010-12-02T10:54:00.003-05:00

Sometimes when the things of this world put a wrinkle in my plans or when people or circumstances deliver a blow I get caught up in anger or frustration. Anger is an emotion that feels good in a way even though it always damages. It's easy to be angry. I've been thinking about anger lately and what causes it. Anger is easy but I don't want to be quick to anger.

Tonight I am pretty angry.

Sometimes it seems the best way to chill myself out is to do a little blessing counting.

I've decided to join Ann's Gratitude Community and start counting blessings. Today is as good a time as any to start.

1. One last intentional snuggle with my never-will-be-5-years-old again boy

2. For the way Gabey says, "I'm so sweaty"

3. The rolling boil and warm, sweet smell while my Mama teaches me how to make her peanut butter fudge.

4. For my Mom who didn't have time but made it for us anyways

5. A feast prepared for myself and the boys, a love gift, while I slept - so very tired from the day

6. For Jesus words with a sister searching

7. My beloved, just coming in on a new day, after 12hrs work in the snowy outside, he'll soon lay by my side and say sweet things, he always does.

8. My Grandmother's Christmas decorations finding life again in cheering up my home

9. The gift of memories

10. The almost-too-hard-to-keep-secret joy of gifts wrapped and tucked away - bits of love packaged pretty - for those who are home to me.

11. The view on snow falling hard through glass walls, so warm on the inside, such a sense of peace

12. A Father who gently works with this mess, who tonight guided my angry spirit and reminded me that this is a better way.

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Remembering

2010-11-20T13:51:00.004-05:00

I just have to post this here so I can come back and watch it time and again. Just watching it makes me all a puddle.

What Was Your Favorite Part of The Relevant Conference? from Relevant Conference on Vimeo.

I'm actually hidden in here 2x but I'm not speaking. Take a peek at the loveliness that is the women of Relevant. One of my wonderful roomies, Debi, is speaking at 1:07. Isn't she a beauty? She has 11 children and I love her.
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Dayspring Giveaway

2010-11-20T12:45:00.004-05:00

I'm back posting about another great giveaway I'm hosting on Mommy Likes It.

Head on over and enter to win $20 of Dayspring goodness.

www.mommylikesit.wordpress.com or link to it here.

Fun and Challenging Games - Giveaway

2010-11-17T11:04:00.005-05:00

I have a great giveaway going on over here. Hop on over and enter to win one of these games.

Breaking

2010-11-14T17:30:00.007-05:00

I've not been blogging lately, not so much because I haven't the time, but because I just haven't had anything really pressing to say.

A few messages I've kept close from Relevant:

* Not everything has to be a blog event. Make cookies and don't take pictures for your blog. Go to the park and leave the camera at home.

* If you get too involved online you forget the rest of the world is not like that and you alienate yourself.

*If God is in it, it will be there later.

I'm trying to find my feet in this world and knowing that anything I might want to write about will come when I have time to share, if God is in it, has given me permission not to blog much.

I liked the spirit-filled-quiet way I came home from Relevant - it was convicting and redeeming and it felt heavy and intimate and I don't want to lose it. It is still with me but it's slipping away. Life continues on...

I'm a little raw still and I cry a lot. I always have been one to cry but my heart is especially tender these days. Just an image alone can start my chin trembling while the heat in my face rises with the tears in my eyes. I am having such strong emotional reactions to everything that I can even feel the sensation in my fingers.

My Father is breaking me.

Goodbye self, you are being made new. This remaking hurts a little but I trust and have I hope. Steve took me on a date this week and we talked about so much. We talked about all the heart stuff I've been tangled up with since Relevant. I was talking to him about Serena's book Grace is for Sinners and how profoundly it touched me - how desperately I needed to read that book. It is one of very few books I would truly call life changing. I had no idea who Serena was before Relevant yet her messages hit me hard. As I sift through my Relevant notebook I find so many notes I took with her name by them.

Goodbye pride, you are my enemy. I'm seeing so much pride in my heart and... it's just not good. I am trying to lay it down and it has been hard but it has been good too. God spoke to me a recently, telling me so clearly that He will tend to the hurts of my heart if I will let him and there is a great deal of peace in that for me. I trust that message and I'm finding it easier to let go.

Goodbye control, you deceive me. I really am a mess of a girl. I get it wrong more than I get it right and left to my own devices I'd just make a colossal mess of my life and home. I am starting to release my plans for His plans. It's hard to accept whatever He gives because my faith is weak. My faith, I fear, would crumble in the face of a dying child, a broken marriage, poverty or death. It isn't pretty but it's true - my faith has been a broken up clump of clay because I've tried to control my own story. I'm opening my faith, my heart and my life to my father/potter's hands, knowing he can pick up those pieces and mold them whole. The scary part is what happens in the molding - it might hurt and it might not be beautiful or comfortable, it might not even be safe - this side of Heaven. Still, I know it will hurt more if those things are left broken apart because clay can't mold itself and I'm a poor potter. I know that if I try to write my own story I'll make a mess of it. I have to trust and I do trust but sometimes it's really hard.

I feel like I've been breaking so much recently but I know I was already broken and I'm not sure how to make sense of that. I really just know I'm in a season of change and I have a peace I haven't had in a long time and so much more compassion for others. My tears that rise often are mostly for the pain I see all around me. And broken people are tangled and I guess that is what keeps taking me back to Serena's God-breathed book and I remind myself yet again that grace is for sinners...

Take a few minutes and meet Serena and buy her book!

Mommy Likes It

2010-11-03T13:07:00.003-04:00

I've not had much to write about lately so I haven't been writing. I'm busy as a bee around here trying hard to keep my priorities in check. It doesn't always come easy to me and I have to re-focus myself often.

About a month ago I started a new blog on Wordpress for writing about things I like. I have been wanting to move this blog to WP for about a year but I don't think I'll ever do it. From time to time I want to write about some of the great things I come across and I'm a book reviewer but I feel like those things just don't fit here. It was probably a month ago while sorting laundry when a new blog idea sort of dropped into my head. It was strange - I hadn't even been thinking about my blog and I hadn't been thinking about doing a review blog - but the blog name just came out of nowhere. I remember thinking I liked the name "Mommy Likes It" and figured it was already taken by a reviewer but I'd look into it. When I went to WP and the name was available I took it and decided I'd see where Mommy Likes It took me. Blogging is a business for many mommy bloggers but I just never felt like my blog was the place to try to business blog. I'm interested to see what plans God has for Mommy Likes It in the future.

This month I am starting a series of Great Gift Ideas - hoping to inspire people to think outside the box in their gift giving. I will be featuring gift ideas that I think are thoughtful, unique and in a moderate price range. I'll also be trying to highlight business that I love and that the average Christmas shopper might not think of. As an added bonus, I'll be giving away many great items that readers can keep or gift this Christmas season. Please stop by often, leave a comment and enter to win. And if you have a great gift idea, please share it with me over there!

This week I offered a fabulous discount on custom hand-stamped jewelry from The Rusted Chain.

Today I am offering a giveaway on two great Christmas decor items made by Nancy DeYoung Studio.

I'll be back here when I have time and something worth saying. :)

It's a Girl

2010-10-28T21:45:00.002-04:00

It's a Girl.

We're having a daughter.

Thinking Pink.

But this happy news is not mine.

When will the day come when I can hear a friend delight in the daughter she is expecting and not have to bite my quivering lip? Will I ever not have to force-smile my congratulations while blinking hard, willing tears not to rise? I feel so selfish writing this from my house full of healthy, happy children while friends I love struggle and despair, trying anything to bring home one child. It is such a selfish grief that I squash deep - the daughter I don't have but love so madly. I have grieved her every way I know and mostly I carry on happy but sometimes it just aches. It hurts. It is a hole I can not fill. I rejoice with my friends for their blessings but the envy and the longing are never fully absent. Will this achy, love-sick-for-her feeling ever go away?
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Grace and love

2010-10-27T22:47:00.004-04:00

My heart is raw. I haven't really gotten to a point where I feel like I can even offer much conversation about my time at Relevant. This morning I was driving to get my hair cut and I was thinking about it and I felt the tears welling up fresh - there just are no words for me.

How can I explain what it felt like to have His holy presence so near - to know he was so wrapped up in all of it. I have no doubt that He sat with me. It's a broken, raw, much-loved feeling all in one. I just don't have the words. I find myself with tears streaming when I think of Angie's face, right in my line of sight, watching the videos of her precious daughter. I wondered, how would she find the strength to stand and speak to us? Tears spring quick when I think of Todd singing, arms outstretched in song to his King, singing It Is Well - would I sing those words if I walked his valley? I think of the woman who stood in one session and asked what it mattered if her "ministry" reached the city if she lost her children. Still that thought breaks me. My roommate weeping quietly for the first time because her husband will be deploying soon. The breaking was everywhere and so much love too. And Ann, she does live a life filled with an overflow of the Lord - He pours richness through her in all she says and does. I can't imagine there was a dry eye when she stood and spoke - so humble and brave and so very full of grace and love.

Though I can't find words for much, there are messages that stuck with me - that nag me and that I keep going back and processing. One of the big ones for me: Grace and Love

Serena said everyone who does something wrong is confused. People are tangled and complicated and we have to release them of their faults. She told us how we would be crushed by the weight of our own sin if we could see it through God's eyes. It is why Jesus said, Forgive them, Father for they know not what they do.

I am hard on myself - giving little grace for my own faults. I hold those close to me to high standards as well. I don't care so much about the little stuff but I expect people I let get closest to me to be considerate, thoughtful, kind, honest, etc... When they are wholly human and fail, I expect they will care enough to fix it. This is my sin and I grieve it. I have huge expectations for myself in all areas and I fail myself repeatedly. I don't give grace well. I am a grace-giving failure. This is an area I need God.

Grace is for sinners - that's what Serena says.

Angie said, You'll never go wrong forgiving someone who doesn't deserve to be forgiven. You'll never go wrong loving someone who doesn't deserve to be loved. You will go wrong not forgiving someone God wants you to forgive and not loving someone God wants you to love.

That stings because I know I'm failing in this area. I deeply desire to give grace and love to those who hurt me but sometimes it is really hard.

Relevant is past but I still feel so raw. It is uncomfortable but transforming my heart in this upside-down Kingdom is going to hurt and I want the Potter to mold me into someone new. If this raw heart scabs over I fear I'll forget. Lord, keep my heart stay raw.

My heart overflows today

2010-10-24T13:56:00.003-04:00

I am sitting on an oversold flight heading home to my husband and boys. I was told I wouldn’t catch a flight today but I would have sat in that airport all day if necessary because today is a special day. Every day I have been away my Gabriel, in his still-baby-like voice, has told me how many days until I am home again. God cares about us in such a tender way and tears spring quick and overflow my eyes because my husband doesn’t have to tell him I won’t be there for our date. It’s a really special date - he told me they bought my favorite cereal. My cup runneth over…

I have spent the past 3 days at The Relevant Conference, a blog conference for Christian women. I love the blog community and I went for the people. I knew I would enjoy the sessions and I’d learn new blog related things but this was about the women that would be there. The women were wonderful, breath-of-life people and I can’t say enough for the opportunity to spend time with them. But, what really happened was I met God in Pennsylvania in a way I haven’t in a long time. He was there in every conversation and at each table and he poured love on us and we were Spirit-filled-full and beauty was amongst the ashes and this thing we do writing here was made new. Tears spill fast today.

And I am writing for an audience of one today. And I am thankful today, so thankful, and I am honored to have been a guest at the tables with open hearts and beauty and a seat by my Father.

Lord, you alone are all I need.

Thank you for all of it.

My Apologies

2010-10-16T15:38:00.001-04:00

This weekend I am merging two of my blogs together. For 5 or so years I have kept a blog of our children for my family and friends. I have always tried to separate most of my kid stuff from my personal blog. As I'm trying to simplify all areas of my life I've finally made the decision to have merge my blogs. I'm sorry if you subscribe in a reader and suddenly you've received 100 new posts from me.

If you'd like to get to know my family a little better you can see those posts under the My Boys label. My earliest blog posts are found in the 2005-2008 years found in my archives on the left. I have bulk labeled those posts Family.

I have not had a chance to update anything regarding my Etsy shop or my last post. I'll post updates here when everything is up and running.

Thanks for stopping by!
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Boys at Play

2010-10-08T16:48:00.013-04:00

I was inspired to dig through old pictures today by Erin over at Home With the Boys. She blogged today about appreciating boys in their natural, active way of being. All of us moms of boys understand that they are happiest when they are busy at work or play. I enjoyed a trip down memory lane while in search of some of my favorite pictures. Note to self: my favorite pictures of them are candid shots. I need to take more pictures - these days are passing too quickly.

Mattie finally caught a chicken - he was so proud.
Gabey delights in his accomplishment
Christian on the move
Nicolas pretending he is in the military, crawling through the sand
Christian lost in the moment
Gabey trying to sneak into the goat pen
Mattie at play
Caught laughing
And all busy boys need to crash with their Daddy after a hard day of play

Be sure to link up and join in!

Ten Things My Relevant Roomie Should Know About Me

2010-10-02T10:21:00.003-04:00

The Relevant Conference is just a few weeks away and I am starting to get excited about it. I'm mostly getting excited about the people. I can't wait to meet some of the people who will be there. It's all about the people for me.

My friend Brooke is doing a Ten Things My Relevant Roomie Should Know About Me link up and I'm joining in. I'm mostly posting this for my roomies and not to win something. I hope you both enjoy this. :)

1. I'm really, truly excited to meet both of you. I had no intention of even having a roomie when I signed up for this conference and I'm really looking forward to rooming with both of you.

2. I am completely freaking out about getting a cold or anything because I would just be so mortified if I were to snore. I find breathing in places like hospitals and hotels so difficult because the air is so dry. This is something I've given much thought to and probably the only reason I would be okay with no roomie. I hope you both snore like crazy.

3. I've become completely, painfully unfashionable and I wear my mom uniform everywhere. I have no idea what I'll wear to Relevant but it will probably be so boring. I'm not going to be one of the ladies going out and buying new stuff just to look cute at this event.

4. I am the worlds pickiest eater.

5. I am a night owl and I love to sleep in. I don't anticipate getting much sleep which then takes me back to the snoring thing. I would not want to be so sleep deprived that I snore in my sleep out of sheer exhaustion. I would be mortified. Snoring is clearly a fear of mine. Snoring and slugs...

6. I have 4 boys and I love them dearly but I won't be one of those moms who is handicapped by missing them. Their Daddy is taking a week of vacation to hang out with them so I know they will be having a quality vacation without me. I fully intend to have a guilt free, fabulous time without them.

7. I'm frugal. I love chocolate but I'm not paying money to tour the chocolate factory. I'd much rather spend that time and money visiting Amish country and buying something there.

8. I don't really drink coffee. It's okay but I would much rather have a cup of hot chocolate most of the time.

9. I have no talent that I'll be displaying at the talent show. If y'all want to organize something I'll join you but I've got nothing.

10. I don't know if you've been properly introduced to each other. Colleen, meet Kalee :)

99 Things That Make Me Happy

2010-09-29T22:28:00.004-04:00

Today I was talking to my girlfriend Julie and she told me she was working on a post about 101 things that make her happy but that it was hard to come up with so many things. I told her I would join her in and since our conversation I've been thinking I can easily come up with 101 things... because I'm perfect like that. That's a joke for Julie. And because we both know I'm not perfect I'm only going to aim for 99 things. I would do 100 but I dislike even numbers.

Tonight I have a few negative thoughts on the brain and I want to reboot my thinking... here goes.

1. Sidewalk Chalk pictures
2. Remembering with Deb and Tammy when we painted with sidewalk chalk many years ago
3. Smiling friends
4. Listening to Chadrick talk about scripture tonight - I like the way he pulls things together
5. Food coloring - because it takes white frosting and makes it pretty
6. Laughing
7. Cabin camping at my happy place
8. Dreaming of the future with my beloved
9. Thinking about my amazing anniversary present and the thoughtfulness of how it came to be
10. Talking to my Grandma
11. Reading my favorite cousin's blog
12. Baber's Specials
13. Re-reading the mail I sent to my husband at camp - it is so funny even if he won't admit it.
14. Zumba
15. Pretty panties
16. That my new tennis shoes are so stylish that they have the Pantone color of the year in them
17. The Pantone color of the year :)
18. That I'm almost as far as Julie on this list and it's pretty easy so far
19. Sewing
20. Pictures of my children
21. The smell of fabric softener
22. My red washer and dryer - they're so pretty
23. Singing
24. Every single time I look at my rings - I am so in love with them
25. Waking up to my hair being played with
26. The smell of babies
27. Bright colors
28. Knowing I'm going to meet new friends in a few weeks
29. The future of Scouts for my kiddos
30. My friends
31. Good books
32. Knowing that my husband would pick me again every single day
33. Feeding my family a good meal
34. Learning new things
35. A good homeschooling day
36. Moving day with my Mom and Kimber at UofM
37. Songs that speak to my heart
38. OPI nail polish
39. Having my hair washed at the salon
40. Finding something I love on clearance and having the money to buy it
41. Smiling at people who don't expect it
42. My electric blanket in the winter
43. My water bottle
44. O drinking out of my water bottle - I think it is so funny
45. My favorite gloves... if only I could find BOTH of them... before Relevant would be nice
46. Walking by Kendall College and thinking of my Dad
47. A good debate
48. The way God answers prayers for little things that are important just to me
49. Girly things
50. Joan and Jen and Em and Emily and all the WTM girls
51. Biggest Loser and the twitter ladies that tweet with me about it
52. ArtPrize
53. Hoffmaster State Park
54. Doing something nice for someone else
55. Lifting weights
56. Nicolas' curly hair when he fixes it
57. Nick's dimples
58. Mattie singing praises to Jesus
59. Snuggle Wuggles
60. Puppy Wuppy and my bestie, Misty, who gifted him to Gabey the day he was born
61. Stained Glass Windows
62. Log Cabins
63. Furniture that looks old
64. Beautiful fabrics
65. My serger and sewing machine
66. My Grandmother Remembers book - it's such a treasure to me
67. Canning
68. Granny Miller and her endless wisdom
69. Satin nighties
70. Sleeping in
72. Slippers
73. Hot Cocoa on a cold day
74. Hot apple cider and a cinnamon/sugar doughnut at Robinette's
75. Working hard and accomplishing something
76. Emma
77. Hanging out with Margie
78. Being crafty
79. Etsy browsing
80. Cheese sticks
81. Chips and Salsa
83. Pepperoni and Green olive pizza
84. lemonade
85. Margaritas
86. Pickles - specifically dill
87. Vacations with my family
88. Our 10 year anniversary and reflecting on how happy we are together
89. Rainbows
90. Garage Sales
91. Steve's days off
92. Having the house all clean
93. Reading books to the kids
94. Watching Christian devour the written word and knowing somehow we taught him to read
95. Bike rides
96. Running further than the last time
97. Hanging out with my family
98. Dinner at my mom's
99. Hope and Grace

That was fun and my attitude has been adjusted.

Goodnight, Friends!

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O Happy Day

2010-09-23T19:56:00.017-04:00

Today Steve and I celebrate our 10th anniversary. We are just full of all kinds of mushy love stuff about it. First thing this morning Gabey crawled into our bed with us - as he does so often - and Steve started telling him about how we got married 10 years ago. Gabey is only 5 so he doesn't really understand how long ago that was but he said in a sad, sweet voice that he wishes he would have been there.

So we pulled out our wedding album and showed him all of our pictures. He wasn't there but we loved him and hoped and prayed for him. We knew we wanted a large family before we were married.

Our wedding was a beautiful event. It was everything I wanted and the entire day was just happiness. We had a fabulous party that Steve stole me away from at 10pm. I could have danced all night.

I wish we could go back and relive that day today. It was spectacular.

The morning after we were married we flew off to Paris! It was intended to be a surprise but Steve did tell me before we left. After Paris we went to Las Vegas - it was all so amazing. We really had a great time and are looking forward to returning to both places some day.

Our scanner broke and as a result these are pretty poor quality photos of my photos but I wanted to share with some of you our happy day.

I'm so, so thankful for this day because Steve is the perfect man for me. He has loved me deeply for 10 years. I'm going to do my best to be as selfless and loving to him as he has been to me for the first 10 years. He is, without question, my better half.

Steve, just before our wedding

Waiting to see my groom

Lighting our Unity Candle

The kiss

My flower girls and ring bearer

My girls

After the ceremony with my Dad and Sharon

My Mom, Jim, my sisters and my Aunt Marilynn

Us with my little sisters

The Toast
Those Millennium Flutes by Waterford Crystal were engraved with our wedding date on them by the glass blower. I completely forgot we had those until just now. I might need to get them and a bottle of wine out.

Cutting the cake
My crazy dad walked up right after we cut the cake and served it to each other. He wanted to try a piece and somehow when I handed it to him he dropped it right down my dress! I had to go to the bathroom and take all that dress down so I could get the cake out of my bra and make sure my dress wasn't stained red from the raspberry filling. It was pretty funny.

Tossing the bouquet

And they lived happily ever after...
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Rose colored glasses

2010-09-18T12:52:00.002-04:00

I just got off the phone with a friend and I need to get these thoughts down before I forget them. This friend, I've put her on quite the pedestal. Let me tell you about her.

She's the mostly godly woman.
She's a great wife.
She's the perfect homemaker.
She is the perfect homeschooler.
She cooks everything... healthy... from scratch.
She is raising charming, smart, polite, obedient children.
She has a humble spirit.
She manages everything beautifully.

I could never measure up to her. I mentioned to her in our conversation today how she puts me to shame and she was quick to point out to me that she too puts everyone else on a pedestal.

Really? Her? I'd sort of like to just see ONE person she thinks has it more together than her.

Besides maybe Beth Moore.

Seriously, she is one of those women - the ones that remind me without intent of just how far I am from where want to be.

She says that we look at everyone and find the one good quality - and everyone has one - and then we compare ourselves to it.

Yup. That's exactly how it works.

I can tell you that Dorie knows her Bible better. Leslie is the best homeschooler ever. Michelle makes the best meals and manages her home perfectly. Michele's boys are more cultured than mine. Misty runs more in a day than I run in a month and if I were more like her my husband would seriously think he died and went to Heaven. Leigh looks like a model - in fact, she is just sort of a rock star all around. Margie has more money. Jen is more patient with her children than I am. Angie has a nicer house. Tracy has better molding in her house... seriously, I really thought that.

I could go on but what does it matter. I've taken the best bits and pieces of everyone and then in a moment of weakness I compare myself to them and I think I'm a total failure.

And, my friend, the perfect one... she says she does the exact same thing. Why do we do this?

Each of those ladies I listed above have flaws. For each friend who possesses qualities I admire and set above myself, there are things that aren't desirable about their life. How easy it is for me to covet the beautiful house a friend of mine lives in while completely dismissing the fact that she doesn't own that home and it's in an area of town I would not want to live in. It's just as easy for me to envy my girlfriend who can run 9 miles -without apparently suffering at all, buy nicer things than I can and go out on regular date nights with her husband. Those things are all true and they all make me a little green but I seem to forget that she works a full time job, has time to devote to her running habit and date nights are easy because children haven't filled her home yet. One person may have a squeaky clean house but the heart of the home is nearly crushed broken. One person may have nicer possessions but they may be in a regular cycle of financial crisis. One person may go to church weekly, have lots of verses memorized, sponsor kids all over the world and volunteer in the nursery but spiritually their home is dead.

So, why is it we women forget to look at the whole person and their situation? Why do we compare ourselves to others?

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

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Taking our first step

2010-09-17T15:17:00.003-04:00

He who gives to the poor will lack nothing, but he who closes his eyes to them receives many curses. Proverbs 28:27

God has really been working in me a heart for the poor in our community. I have, for the past 2 winters, felt such a desire to serve them but I've done nothing. I am not proud of this. I have driven past several people asking for a handout without rolling down my window. I am not proud of that either. I get sick of the "Passing through - Hungry - God Bless" signs being held up by the same young people that seem to be perpetually passing through. I judge them and I don't want to help them.

I am so ashamed to say that.

I have however come to a place of realization that it doesn't make me Jesus-like to feel sorry for the men under the bridge if I won't stop my car and share a meal and a few kind words with them. I want to be like Jesus.

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:17-18

I've read a few books that have really worked on my heart in this area. I read The Same Kind of Different As Me and I was just so inspired by that book. I have mentioned to a friend that our home church should read that book and start doing something for our community in need. I went right out and bought What Difference Do It Make when I was done. I'd like to re-read that book but I lent it out and I think I might need to buy a new copy. It is inspiring - it's the follow up to SKODAM and it is all about how people have been motivated to serve in their own communities. I highly recommend both of those books.

A few weeks ago I stopped by a yard sale and found a new copy of Under The Overpass for 25 cents! What a treasure - it's another book I highly recommend, written by a guy who challenged his own faith to live with among the homeless community. I read it in 2 days last week and it really helped remind me that the Lord is prodding us to serve the poor in our community.

Convicted.

Last night we went to our local grocery store and we bought lots of lunch meats and breads and snacks and drinks and sandwich baggies. Today we assembled 30+ bags with sandwiches, pickles, juice boxes and caramel corn or pudding cups. We prayed that our meals would be a blessing to the people who would receive them. We talked with many people downtown and our lunches were very well received. We will be using our tithe to do this on a regular basis.

The Bible is full of scripture about the poor. I wanted to share some of my favorite verses here as much for me as for anyone who reads this.

Do not go over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen. Leave them for the poor and the alien. I am the LORD your God. Leviticus 19:10
I just read this verse for the first time and I really love it. I wonder how many local farmers commit to this teaching. It must be hard. I want to support the one who do with our business.

There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land. Deuteronomy 15:11

He who despises his neighbor sins, but blessed is he who is kind to the needy. Proverbs 14:21

He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God. Proverbs 14:31

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-- when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Isaiah 58:6-7

If you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. Isaiah 58:10
I love this.

He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" declares the LORD. Jeremiah 22:16

Jesus answered, If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.' Matthew 19:21

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in. Matthew 25:35

Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, 'Here's a good seat for you,' but say to the poor man, 'You stand there' or 'Sit on the floor by my feet,' have you not discriminated among yourselves and becomes judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom He promised those who love Him? But you have insulted the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? James 2:2-6

It really is simple. We should feed the hungry and clothe the naked. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

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Thank you for blessing me today!

2010-09-16T21:54:00.004-04:00

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encouter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
~Albert Scheitzer

I was feeling a little blue today, nothing major but just a little weepy. The joys of womanhood.

The UPS truck showed up and I received a box from Lush. Very excitedly I opened it up to find a wrapped present inside. I immediately thought of my friend Margie who gifted me with a package of Lush bath products last Christmas. There was a note with my products but it didn't "sound" like Margie and there was no signature.

Who sent this package to me? I may never know but I hope I do. But, if it was you please know that it arrived at the perfect time and really lifted my spirits. This was such a treat that I think a pay-it-forward is in order.

I'd show you a picture of the contents as well but I haven't opened it yet. It was such a delightful treat just to receive this gift of love that I want to enjoy it all wrapped up for a bit. Perhaps I'll have another moment where I need a lift and I'll be able to open this pretty box and just what I need to make me smile will be tucked inside.

Who wouldn't love a surprise package in the mail? Could you send something anonymously to someone you care about and know it will make their heart sing? If you do, please tell me about it. I hope to do it myself in the next few days.

Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting.

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Prayer Journals

2010-09-15T13:15:00.001-04:00

I've really neglected this blog because my vision of having the boys blogging their own lives isn't working out so well. We are so busy and finding the snippets of time to blog with them is a challenge.

Today is my birthday and I had the blessing of spending the morning with my mom. We went out for breakfast and did a little shopping. We have so many delightful shops, little boutique lined streets, they just look so lovely but I've never stepped foot in any of them. The reality is that though I have well behaved children, there are just shops that shopping in with them would be stressful. It was so nice to just browse all the pretty things and smell all the candles and not have to keep an eye on any of my 4 boys.

Steve took over the duties of schooling the boys while I was away. What a sweet thing it is to have a husband who is willing to do that for me. I came home refreshed. Steve made a big pot of chili while we were out so we ate together before he left for work. A few minutes ago I sat down to look over the work the boys accomplished this morning and I opened their prayer journals first.

Be still my heart. Oh, how I love these boys.

My youth: filed away with the classics

2010-09-14T20:31:00.001-04:00

I'm not really a radio listener-to. I sometimes do listen to the radio but then I only listen to one of two stations. I really don't branch out from my comfortable spot - I guess I don't much care for change.

Tonight I spent 15 blissful minutes alone in my car. For a while I listened to Songs for Saplings. Then I realized I'm not one of my saplings and I turned on WCSG - a local Christian radio station I default to 99% of the time. A song came on that I didn't much care for so I switched to our country station and they were playing a commercial. I hate commercials.

I only had another minute or two in the car but for whatever reason I pushed the next button on my stereo - not even knowing what it was. The dj called out his station LAV-FM and immediately I wondered how in the world that old music was programmed to my radio.

Old music.

That's seriously what I thought.

Only, what I heard was Every Little Thing She Does is Magic by The Police.

Sigh.

That's such a great song. I sat in my car after I parked in my driveway and listened and loved it.

As a side note, that's the song my beloved uses as a ringtone when I call him - I love it.

So, I started thinking that when I was a kid the stuff my mom and dad listened to when they were kids was what I considered oldies. And, as a result the stuff I listened to when I was a kid might actually be thought of the same way by my kids. Oldies? Classic? What's the difference? It's just old. It was at the top of the Billboards in 1981.

That's a hair away from 30 years ago, folks.

I turn 35 years old tomorrow. I've never been one to care much about birthdays and getting older but several times this year I've been struck by how I'm "one of them" now. It's like realizing your dentist is your peer. It's like thinking about my favorite math teacher in high school and what my image was of her and realizing she was my age - maybe younger. It's realizing that many of my friends have lost their parents and this is just the reality of being friends with the 30-something, 40-something crowd. It's realizing that when I pray I don't die at Zumba that it's actually a possibility. It's remembering how my mom used to tell me how the clothes she wore when she was a kid were back in style and if only she had saved them... and how truly clueless I thought she was. Until this summer I saw my 20-something neighbor wearing a bikini I would have worn when I was 13 and the kids from church wear stuff I wore in Jr High and it's actually cool again. It's realizing my fertile years are few and my husband is wise when he talks about saving for retirement and that my youngest is just 5 fingers, almost 4, away from 18.

Where has the time gone? And how is it I still feel I'm 20 years old when I'm clearly much closer to 40?

Happy Birthday to me - I'm halfway to 70 tomorrow. I hope my husband still thinks of me when he hears this song in 20 years.

Glamour of a SAHMer - Bad Hair Days

2010-08-05T11:34:00.000-04:00

The Glamour of a Stay At Home Mom-er is hosted by my friend Lisa. Join in and link up here.

Each Spring I give the boys their summer buzz cuts. It is easy and cool and the sand and dirt and sweat just washes off. I keep their hair short all summer and usually give them their final cut in September. We've been away camping so much that they've really grown into little fuzz heads.

Before our family vacation I wanted to get them cleaned up but yesterday we had a bit of a problem with the clippers.

The result. This was right before we had plans to leave. We went out anyways. Thankful I have a confident kid and he doesn't take to heart the jokes about his bad hair. Steve thinks he fixed the clippers so today we should be able to fix this.